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(Sick with grief over the loss of our old blind cat, sick because we'd put her our last night to vomit up a hairball and then forgot to let her back in. In the morning I find her dead on the highway, at least it was a quick death. But old BD was a remarkable cat who went through so much she became something other than just a cat...)

"The Deepest Well"
(for DB)

The physiology of grief
is an interesting thing
the way it tugs on our deepest memories
activating layers of neural nets
in a rush-hour tangle of ghosts.

You were our Diamond Back.
Of so many lives, we all lost count
until we lost track of you
putting you out to vomit up a hair ball
then forgetting to let you back in.

DB the blind cat
in the morning remembering 
my mistake, calling and looking
eventually finding
you gone for good out on the highway.

DB in sixteen years
to travel so far
to see so much
even though blind
and crippled and half deaf by the end.

I wished you had lived forever
As I do with all my loves
because you became the best cat ever
purified of all selfishness
by all your suffering.

In the morning there's a hole
as we pile fresh roses in your grave
so sad with what we have done
the gentle friend we have lost
with so many lives.

(9/6/23)

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