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Pick me apart, prod and poke I fear there's a dam in place There's no articulation Anger is thrashing about I don't want to acknowledge it My mind brings in the Hulk "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" Funnier than how I feel, but settling to cascade my thoughts Here's the request, examine yourself NO! Being shamed is different than being ashamed I didn't know how angry I was I'm so angry, I don't know this feeling It's probably therapeutic Maybe I need to embrace it But I can't, I'm holding it tightly not letting it go Deep breaths, silent tears I need to be angry but I'm scared I'll tear my whole life down How dare they, but there's innate lack of worth in me, maybe I accede That's why I'm angry, because I can't stand the assertion of power over me The intermission - discuss the play, the concept, the script, the emotional undertones, the direction. There's creative difference. No one is going back on. The audience doesn't know yet, send out some free ice cream... The breakdown of a marriage, the breakdown of a person - I'm just playing with titles... the reconciliation via denial of emancipation - I've not even looked that one up Powerlessness - entrenched because (reads almost from a book) 'the neglected child can't be angry towards the parent who neglects them' that's one bit of the past puzzle I can't tear my life down, it's not just my life, close eyes, breathe... I think we went back on whilst my eyes were closed, announced the end, I heard my voice saying something like that anyway... Will the weight of disapproval leave my shoulders? I'll probably just drown slower in my deep waters... I ran out of hash browns yesterday and I think I'm looking at some toast should I get into hunter/gatherer mode, I might tell the toast to shut up... probably not, I'm pushing through on the normal exterior again. I'm not going to think about the audience, the bad reviews, the request for refunds, the venue bans... I'll just eat a piece of toast for now.
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