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This here's the story of a jaunty young fellow His name was Theodore J. Wigglesworth A distinguished sort of a chappy Theodore was Who lived in the small town of Perth Every morning at the very first light of dawn Mr. Wigglesworth could usually be found Sitting on Margaret Higginbotham's front porch Playing the flute and acting the clown Rumours had it, that Margaret was betrothed To the jovial Mr. Archibald Clodsmuir Mr. Clodsmuir was the popular baker in town Whose reputation was flawless to be sure So the story goes, young Theodore was driven To win the hand of the lovely Miss Higginbotham Even if it would result in a duel to the finish With Mr. Clodsmuir, to defend his reputation The gauntlet was thrown and the very next morn The two stood back to back on a hill The countdown began as they walked twenty paces To determine whose blood would be spilled They both whirled and fired, two shots rang out Mr. Wigglesworth slumped to the ground And sadly, Mr. Clodsmuir also succumbed Then an unearthly silence, not a sound It turned out, Miss Higginbotham never married Their spirits still court to this day She sits by their graveside knitting and signing “You guys sure screwed up, I must say!”
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