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Was I fooled? 
The doubt, was always there within me. I asked myself, was I good enough, smart enough, did I look pretty or handsome enough? That feeling, always there, not feeling “enough”… I wasn’t like others. I was never good enough. They were always better… always more. I wanted to feel like more, like I was enough, I wanted to feel like everyone else, (not like me). 

There was always external validation. Why was it never enough.
Why was I so intent to be above everyone else…. on a superficial level…yet internally I was still the same… those feelings of insecurity.

Why did I always expect myself to be so perfect….  I could never even be close, no matter my successes…. I couldn’t forgive myself…for anything short of perfection …never ever forgive myself…I, my worst critic always. Waiting for for failure…. that feeling…and to know with all certainty that indeed I was right. I was not like others. I never would be. Others must have known it to be true.
I wasn’t ever going to be comfortable with myself. No matter what, I would always feel this way, empty, and knowing that I was not like others. I was never loved, and never would be. It was who I was. It was me. Uncomfortable with who I was, and what I was. Awkward, and alone and not knowing who I really was at all, other than a shell. What did I have? Born in poverty perhaps that was the start of my feelings. I would not ever be enough to feel good inside, not ever have a moment to feel whole. 

Was the answer a pill, a drink, a fix….something magically made me feel better about myself for awhile… something to help me forget how I felt inside. I knew I didn’t want to go down that dark road…..

The darkest night.
God came to me in the darkest of moments, and in a dream, a vision…
HE SAID….
“you are enough”… 
In my dream…..
HE loved me when I couldn’t love myself. HE accepted me when I could not accept myself. HE gave me peace in my soul, when I had none.  HE gave meaning to my life, when I had none. Where I was empty, I was made whole. When I awakened, gone was the doubt, the pain,the loneliness and hurt. 
HE took it from me, and in its place I felt HIS love, peace and comfort. HIS vision of me became my reality. “I was enough” for eternity. 

Authors note,
May all who feel they are “not enough” be blessed, and have peace and comfort, and truly know they are “enough”, just as they are, through HIS power.

7/2023
TJSilba/Collections of Life
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