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Poem
You ask me- why it is, that I flinch ?
With every sudden movement , that I don't see coming.
 Like I expect to be hit .
It's a leftover reaction . 
Like a residual tic.
A predetermined mechanism physically attempting to defend my physical self. 
For at the hands of another, my body has been beaten , been broken , and battered .
My heart has been shattered .
My spirit through and through has had it.
 Now ,I have to , sit here and explain to you 
Why  I sit with my back to the wall Of every room ,
and why I'm afraid of my own shadow.
.  Because the ptsd that envelopes me,
 Is like an unseen deformity Of my brain , 
when I'm triggered , my mind gets stuck In the moment of my trauma ,and I'm reliving them again.
 So when I hide my face And tuck in my chin 
Shudder as your fingertips brush against my skin ,
It comes from someplace deep within.
 Someplace between the past  ,
And , how long until it happens again?
 I know you say, how could I think this of you? 
But, he said he would never too ! 
And each and every time his fist Or open hand 
Made contact with my bare skin, 
I felt all at once the total shock and disbelief,
 Immediate denial that this broken girl was me.
 I guess I had to learn this lesson repeatedly. 
So when you ask me why I'm a jumpy ball of nervous energy ,and why I'm always flinching? 
Because ,my ptsd has crippled me .
This is what is left of me. 
Existing in the fear that is my reality. 
 And, there is no more room for 
Empty I love yous .
Only final goodbyes ,
Permanent and absolute. 
As is the pain I try so hard in vain to disguise
But  the truth is, I cannot hide,
Or wish to deny.. 
The truth, that is such a sad truth.
But a truth nonetheless that is mine.
And I don't have it in me even one single inch 
of doubtful benefit, 
so the reality is ,this is the answer to your question, 
the reason why I flinch.
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