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The Vote
The lights are out, the night is still,
The window’s ajar, there’s a sudden chill.
Goosepimples multiply all over my skin,
I know what I’ve done is a terrible sin.

The demons are singing deep inside my head,
I might not sleep when I do turn in for bed.
First, I’ll sit by the fire and put up my feet,
I hasten to move from this very seat.

The same demons shout “Why? Why? What you’ve done is insane,
I hope you realise you’ve caused insurmountable pain.
You had the easy choice, but you cocked up instead,
And now we’ll have more times of living in dread.

I can’t believe myself, I thought I knew who to vote,
And now I feel like a scrawny little scroat.
I now see it was my single vote that put those fools in power,
I really deserve to be locked up inside the tower.

Getting better
I am sure that you have been told
Stop in bed when you have a cold
Pinch your nose if you get a bleed
Press it hard and it stops at a greater speed

Car
There’s nothing worse I think by far
Than needing the loo whilst in the car.
You’re miles away from the nearest stop
I wish I hadn’t drank all of that pop.

There’s nothing else that you can do
When in the car and needing the loo.
And eventually there’s no feeling better
As when your trouser leg starts getting wetter.

Graveyard shift
Come work for us, the interviewer said,
I didn’t realise I’d be digging graves for the dead.

Come work for us and you’ll soon have it made,
We’ll even give you your very own spade.

Work hard for your bonus – show everyone your worth
Now It’s 3am and I’m left digging all the earth.

Once the funeral is over and everyone’s at the wake,
It’s time to re-fill as my back begins to ache.

For each burial we do we’ll get a bonus for our prize,
If only they knew I’m the serial killer in disguise.
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