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The Melter Man, the Melter Man, he upsets kids for fun
And when they've been to Ice Cream Gran, his fun has just begun
He’ll kill their ice creams pronto, like they’ve left them in the sun
By melting them to nothing, with his crazy melter gun

The Melter Man hides in the trees til Ice Cream Gran arrives
His Melter gun is set to full so no ice cream survives
So hid away he waits until he hears those tinkling chimes
He wears a wicked grin as he anticipates good times

The ice cream van appears and with its cheerful tune played loud
The Melter Man has plans to make his foster father proud
From underneath his coat he pulls his metal-melting gun
To melt a whole ice cream van down would make him ‘favourite son’

But what he didn’t know about the owner of this van
Was Ice Cream Gran was also known to some as Turbo Gran
And on the dashboard of the van a warning light now blinks
And Ice Cream Gran knows Melter Man is dumber than he thinks

The children stand in line to buy the ice creams they enjoy
And Melter Man prepares to upset every girl and boy
But then a voice behind when Turbo Gran said, ‘Think again,
Any man who upsets children is the worst of men,
Put your melter gun away and toodle on your way,
Or you’ll ignite my anger and I’ll have to make you pay.’
 
Unfortunately Turbo Gran was leaning on her frame
So Melter Man just grinned and said, ‘I know your claim to fame,
But I don’t see a superhero fit to make me scream,
Because I never tried it, so I’m not scared of ice cream.’

Turbo Gran said, ‘If you tasted some you might feel fonder
For all the children queueing by my ice cream van just yonder.’
Melter Man looked sheepish and his words were not so loud
He said his dad said, ‘No ice cream until you make me proud.’

So Turbo Gran spoke to her watch as though it were a phone
She said, ‘Hey Nitro Cat please bring out a vanilla cone.’
Soon enough the children by the van all moved aside
And Nitro Cat stepped out, an ice cream on his back was tied

So that it wouldn't melt he went to Melter Man real quick
And sat there until Melter Man could not resist a lick
‘Oh my God, thats gorgeous; can I have another taste?
Stopping children eating this was such an awful waste.

‘I’ve heard of Turbo Gran and how you should be long retired
And yet you've shown me I’ve been wrong and not a shot was fired 

‘So now I know my foster father lied and I’ve been had
So first I’m gonna use my melter on my foster dad
And then I’m gonna change my life as quickly as I can
Tell me, Turbo Gran, where can I buy an ice cream van?’

Turbo Gran said come and serve those eager kids with me
Serve them all with ice cream and we’ll see what we will see
I’m sure that we can find an ice cream van for summer nights
But can you handle radar and are you okay with heights?’






[Other Ice Cream Gran/Turbo Gran stories available via the ‘poems’ link up top]
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