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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear end;
perhaps ye heard or felt 
the ground beneath your feet tremble;
the missus didst not stir in her sleep
yesterday (May 29th, 2023)
when my troubles
seemed so far away.

Jog me memory I did
with a little help figuratively 
nabbed, pilfering, ransacking, et cetera
compilation of previously written poems
which involved scrolling thru
screen after screen of feeble attempts
to craft some stellar literary creation.

Worm I going with this line?

Just by a fluke,
I came across a scenario
where humorous embellishment
will (clear as water) diminish credence,
but slight fabrication will help revival
encompassing an outing with then girlfriend,
who eventually became the missus.

Upon the first date (mucho decades ago)
not quite two score 
and three and a half years ago 
with the gal, whose troth 
aye did pledge allegiance to wed 
(anniversary inching itsy bitsy 
spider like up to 
seven and twenty earth orbitz), 
we agreed to dine 
at an avante garde Tex-Mex eatery 

in North Wales, Pennsylvania, 
where angels feared to tread 
carefully scrutinizing bon appétit 
the menu selection, 
a touch of Latin lick QED 
all American version sans 
south of the border cuisine – 
Quod Erat Demonstrandum – 
translations spit out 
in rapid fire Hispanic 

by a beady eyed 
pierced and inked kid named Ned, 
whose couture favored a punkish style 
with spiky gelled green hair, 
piercings galore and necklace 
with a genetically modified 
sizable entombed glassy pricey jewelry 
encased insect in amber lead, 
which beastly fully intact organism 
with a miniature grizzly bear like head 
momentarily hypnotizing me 

pray tell, yours truly nudged himself 
out of trance sans this egghead 
who made a selection 
by randomly landing finger 
on an item feigning to be well bred 
unbeknownst choice promised
concussive radioactive fallout
squelched with utmost difficulty
nearly impossible mission
to avoid loosing buttuck blast

if belched out the posterior; 
fart would have catapulted, 
delivered fatalistic deafening roar
wreaking havoc to life and limb
costing countless lives
regarding innocent restaurant patrons, 
whose arbitrary choice
to partake of their repast 
at aforementioned homey
unnamed restaurant analogous 
ending with tragicomic farce.

After this Señor ingested
an ample number of mouthfuls 
of beans and rice 
that quelled most severe hunger pangs 
mine lower gastrointestinal tract, 
felt a bubbling and gurgling sensation 
played through impropriety struggled 
with gaseous mounting perturbations, 
what promised to be hot malodorous, 
would induce an air raid 

from this “wind bag,” 
(whose puckered, preserved, pickled, et cetera 
and stinky namesake 
occupies a place 
at the Mutter Museum,
whose saving grace erroneously divine), 
when wallet of suede discover herd 
visa vis tubby devoid of cash, 
thus convenient excuse to beat 
the tirade of volcanic eruption 
on the cusp of belching forth
found me bolting out the restaurant door 
fortunately not waylaid 

and madly dashing 
(like some fiery comet dancer) 
performing a cheeky number 
hopping on one foot than the other – 
since forceful blast triggered kidneys 
to be tapped, thus prancer two step 
extemporaneously incorporated 
while awaiting available ATM 
only to espy debit printout slip
inadequate funds available 
zero balance in checking account. 

While expulsion of noxious fumes 
from thine sphincter courtesy  
brought relief as aye nonchalantly 
prior to strolling inside cozy diner, 
and slipped into me seat disinclined 
to relate eave vents to future spouse, 
the bodily aeration and stream of urine 
(freed to water secluded copse)
from me magic flute which, 
amazingly synchronized 
with the Maximus glute 
after consuming food
triggered tushy to toot.

Nevertheless, shortfall of legal tender 
unfortunately and subsequently found 
yours truly shackled, 
impressed, forced, et cetera 
as dishwashing galley slave
dashed mine coveted 
bowed need for high strung Cupid 
annihilating, detonating, 
hexing, et cetera 
opportunistic spell 
to don and trumpet myself 
as artful dashing romancer.
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