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"She is brave and strong and broken all at once." — Anna Funder


When spoken, it might seem innocent
Like any word – just a word
Afterall it doesn’t have hands to maim
It doesn’t have feet to trample the faith
Even though it rests on the tongue
In such a way that it freezes the soul
It is just a word – no less, no more
Just a word

But it rises up in my center, breathing
Harsh pangs, deafening my hope
Pouring out something akin to acid
Inside my mind – into my thinking, my remembering
It is like an ocean filled with black, bitterness
Weeping that gorges itself on my dreams,
Resting like fog over the hills of my memories

Just a word, playing sharply
Biting into my flesh, skin peeled back
Layers of aching, throbbing like
Grief that never breaks away from its
Primary need for misery that is as angry
As the shadows that surround it
Murky memories unfolding, stirring up the past

The heavens open up and pour out souls
The unborn who were once given the fate
Then, just as quickly, the chance was taken away…

Infertility bringing with it – the same shame
That remembers only to drench the disgrace
In murmuring tears, like small blessings
Who drip, melting away the dream, silencing
The hope – but giving something new to the soul –
Relief from the degradation, the stain
That the word barren suggests,
The desolate word, the destitute – the infertility
Of – not only the dream, but the beautiful
In touching the face of belief that flavors every reality
The need to see – reflected in that child
A smile from the womb who brought faith to life

Only a word, but a word that silences the truth
I’m not just a woman because of my ovaries
I’m a woman because of my hope that believes
Even through infertility – I have a purpose
That only God could have stimulated within me,
A instinct, a intuition, a intention – blessed by the 
Love of a Creator who gave me hope –
Despite the verdict, infertility can’t kill the place inside
That believes in the love that only God can provide!
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