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Fork git about spooner hiz ham

And join (singing the words 
in the next paragraph) whether alone
in a traffic jam
basting, cooking, then eating a lamb
prepared by thee missus
a superb culinary madam.

“A Ram Sam Sam” Lyrics
A ram sam sam, a ram sam sam
Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
A ram sam sam, a ram sam sam
Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
A rafiq, a rafiq
Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
A rafiq, a rafiq
Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam.

The following dereliction of truth 
heavily influenced 
my babe of mine name Ruth
(think prevarication forsooth)
essentially crafted countless years,
when yours truly 
courtesy parochialism bred cooth
preserved timeless tintype of me 
many moons ago
sitting pretty (once a bonny lad) 
with his innocent lass 
perched on mine bony knees 
while forced lip tulip in kissing booth.

Unlike centenarian 
who crafts  these words,
perchance yar juiced 
a young whippersnapper man or woman
maybe born, bread and raised 
in the city that never sleeps,
or dwelt in the boondocks or sticks,
catch some 'possum or squirrel
and as a loyal son or daughter take a tram
to enjoy a tasty repast 

with widowed momma,
cuz ever since da 
yo papa passed away....,
a futile attempt made to fill that void
awash with more'n than half a century 
of wedded bliss,
whereat purposelessness pervasive
per surviving mother, 
who feigns happiness, regales others
with showers of affection, 

and remains active feeding her avocation
comprising striving and succeeding 
to be adept within the culinary arts
thru self taught trials and errors 
of brave taste testers
(which guinea pigs ought 
to get medal of honor for bravery),
though her exemplary cooking reputation 
exceeds five star Michelin rating 
through meticulous 

and exacting measured ingredients, 
she glides within the kitchen
however occasionally, 
a fork and spoon slips to the floor
which inexplicable 
gravitational alchemical phenomena
fuses separate pieces of cutlery 
into one eating implement
whereupon a dead reckoning 
takes shape, that "mum"

might be in mortal danger 
per inconspicuous cooking tool,
whence ya stop SnapChat tin 
and shutterfly as greased BuzzFeed
twittering like a bat out of hell - 
ya swoop down smash mouth facebook first
presaging a fatality visiting  
upon the head of mum
(her christened name Chris Anne thumb -
the last appended word 

linked with her diminutive size),
who intently engrossed, 
keenly self absorbed, 
and rapt attentively 
with tasks at hand
most likely oblivious 
to potential safety dukes of hazard
as a benevolent offspring temporarily 
take instagram reprieve, 
and utilize fancy footwork

tote hillbilly tubular re: turn 
to counterpoise vis a vis 
match less laws of physics,
whereby toe tulle lee tubular 
test tick yule har kickstarter antics applied
to kindle hurly burly gnarly flatware bach up
adjacent to state of the art beet oven
which upright pedal 
poised pose like leverage incorporates
quickly donning improvisational

makeshift faux cuirass 
with suitable culinary accoutrements
stringing together various 
geometrical metal trays 
and tin pot for helmet,
whereby a strategic 
stance thence established,
where inert stainless steel 
buffoon glaring spork
would be forced 

to take tailspin upwards,
whence fingers grab 
innocuous lethal weapon,
which self entertainment learned 
while stationed in a rack
run amuck mess hall rowdiness 
taught said table mannered tricks
magic mike moment imitating hotmail - 
glorified footlocker earthlinked craft,
where whatsapp tinder penned didst

inviting Barack Obama 
to zap hiz frankfurter foot,
when he made a syrup prize visit 
nobly endeavoring without evincing
auld trumpetting donning shoe purr action
trained first with dominant topface toes
alternating with recessive 
opposing shod totally tubular taps
until fancy footwork became ambipedal
balancing ball of left 

or right foot atop tine 
or dish of fork or spoon respectively
as stray stainless steel ware defying gravity
gracefully leapt - somersaulting 
in a pirouette pinwheel linkedin arc
tine and/or miniature 
shovel scooper over handle
kin ur pinion (all things considered) 
an eye opening experience
and the simple pleasure one can derive 
from practicing strategy
trigonometry, spatial relations.
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