Email Poem

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Poem
Left.

Plans left unfinished 
Give too much say too much
Words filled with meaning
Maybe too much
Maybe too heavy
Maybe too repetitive 

Spilled 
Scattered
And washed like rainwater down dirty streets
Good intentions mixing with dirt and trash
Stepped over, walked through
Acknowledged but soon forgotten

Visions and hopes and awakening trust
Dropped 
Water unable to be picked up once spilled,
Running and rolling and weaving and moving
Until all that is left is a small trickle
A faint waterline
A tear streak down the face
That doesn’t do justice 
To the visceral source of unearthed emotion from which it came

Spills happen.
We know this.
I know this.
And chances of spilling are more likely when the bucket becomes heavier
Becomes deeper
And I continue to pour 
Me
Into the flimsy container I gave you to hold.

Now I am left with no water.
No tears left to cry.
I am left with searing sting of a heart that previously only ached from growing pains
From learning to love and care and open up and give
Speak
Share 
Communicate 
To relearning how to be 
Left feeling alone.

I want you to miss me and I want you to hurt
Because what I feel I wanted shared with you
And these are the only emotions I have left
To give.

I watched what was going right
Go left
When I thought we were headed in the same direction

I am left with a pain that pulses with every heartbeat
Through my chest and down my arms
Up my neck and seizing my mind
In consuming thoughts of the tradeoff of love and happiness 
Intertwined fingers and shared laughter
Soft lips on necks and a chest to lie on, ear to heart
In exchange for it being a gamble
A game
Where many are left
Empty handed.
More broke than before they played.

I am left now
Soaked in spilled water 
That looks the same as any
To most anyone else 

But was what I gave to you
When it was all I had to give.
Left shivering and unsure just how
Or why
All I have left now of us
	is me.
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