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Learning to Love Myself

Slowly, very slowly, am I coming to terms with how I look
My double-chinned face, my flabby arms, my stomach.
I think to myself that these are things I shouldn’t be allowed to have
because I have been told all my life that I was ugly
and that being a bigger person was wrong.
I am just now starting to come out of my comfort zone
To look at myself in a mirror without feeling disgusted
Or feeling like I am not good enough
because others have told me my entire life that I wasn’t.

I am beginning to love every inch, every curve, every flab
every crease, every roll, every nook and cranny of my skin.
That’s right…MY SKIN, not yours, or yours, or his, or hers
But MINE! 
This is MY skin, MY body, MY story, it is not for you to tell
and it most certainly is not for you to judge. 
You can either choose to look at it, or not look at it
either way, I don’t care because I’ve spent too much time
worrying about what others think of me.
When I should be worrying about what I think of myself,
and I AM beautiful, and I AM worthy, and I AM enough. 

No longer will I be haunted by the ringing echoes of
“You’re too fat to be pretty.” “Being fat means being ugly.” Or “No one
will ever love a fat chick like you.” 
I may still be working on learning to love myself
but I am proud of how far I’ve come since I was a teenager.
For the first time the other day, I let myself be vulnerable
I posted a full-bodied picture of myself on the internet, 
freshly out of the shower I had come, 
towel on top of my wet mopped head, and wearing just a pair of leggings
and a bra to cover my boobs. And much to my surprise…
instead of being greeted with rude comments or nasty messages
I was greeted with warmth, care, appreciation, and love for my stomach
My face, my whole body…and the feeling was spectacular. 

If other people can see and appreciate the beauty of my body
then I should be able to as well. 
Though it is but slow, my confidence is growing
and not just because of the support and love received
from my wonderful friends but also because of my wonderful husband.
He has shown me time and time again how beautiful
he finds me and yet every time I doubt him. 
But I will not allow it anymore, I am DONE letting people 
tell me how I should feel or look about MY own body.
So, if I’m going to learn to love myself,
It needs to be done MY way.
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