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My car-ride silence
is not judging you;
maybe me,
but certainly
and more generously
unconditionally not angry
or shaming
or blaming
you for unpardonable sins
against sainted me.

With you in a powerless passenger seat
and me in a self-punishing driver's
need to alone defeat
our unshared lonely demons
darkly frightened and angry
terrified silo trauma 
repeat
repeat
repeat

Frozen in this mystical dark
threatening night
mile 
after agonizing
coldly silent 
trauma mile.

Self judgment
for addictions to bright pleasure
to glaring peace
to sacred wombs
remembering unavailable comfort and joy;
and warmly quiet compassion
listening, hopefully,
for what you can not say
gratefully yet today

Until you are ready
to speak your overflowing feelings,
positive
and negative,
manic
and depressive,
conflicted in-between
comically up
and tragically down,
cooperatively spiritual
and competitively natural,
warm mind wants
and searing body needs
both synergetic feelings
and solidarity 
remembering

Our diverse yet similar trauma narrative
and therapeutic hopes
and co-arising winner dreams
for terrifying partnered glory.

My silence
is not cold,
not condemning,
but warmly curious

To hear,
and thereby hope to help heal
silence solidly against 
side by side
less shared synergetic struggles

Together recalling
mostly compassionate wars
against past and present unhealthy addictions
passions
competing persuasions

Reviewing fused empowerments
and confused disempowerments,
unconditionally warm 
and co-passionate enlightenments
and calculating cold silent 
and severing secular endarkenments,
retributive anger/fear competitions
and restorative health/wealth cooperations

Playing quiet conspiracy games
of who can hold isolated voice longest
and most sadly,
and how we warmly hold
our compassion circling choice
more gladly

For healthier peace
and wealthier best
Tragic Comedy Drama
in a daily soak opera
series 

Of critical
trauma risks
and therapeutic opportunities
throughout this long bad day

Driving not only
lonely in a cold conspiracy
of silence;
but also with a warm compassion context
for restoring
and restorying 
nonverbal heart communion

Reweaving what you once said
or thought
or hoped
or feared
that time heals all wounds

Except incapacity to remember
how we got them
and how much they cost 
us

The We
that disappears
within conflicted
silent Me.
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