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Happy Lxiv birthday Matthew Scott Harris

date of conception:?  ~ Late March – mid April 1958.
date of parturition: January xiii, mcmlix.
date of expiration:? January i, eminem.

A gangly, measly, and scraggly bundle
of lovely bones even as a lad
(way to skinny to appease wicked witch)
came out kicking and screaming
and he never stopped since
that's how I will get carried out.

Yours truly an aging baby boomer
(orangutan missing link)
long haired pencil necked geek
(constantly clearing phlegm from his throat)
trademark disheveled characteristics
whipsawed ever faster around sun
quickly ratcheting and spiraling tornado like 
nearly 30 kilometers per second, 
or 67,000 miles per hour clip;
while sprawled atop earth, 
he journeyed, jumpstarted, kickstarted, 
launched countless planetary orbitz
quintessentially retracing trajectory
when Gaia linkedin courtesy gravity 
maintaining invisible bond with Helios.

He (best nutty buddy 
and alter ego of mine), 
which birth sported an ordinary
uneventful, nevertheless miraculous
combination platter visited
ejaculation, menstruation, secretion 
nsync with erratic spastic seminal kicks
divine fertilization usually took place 
in a fallopian youtube 
playing mine unrehearsed debut appearance
after an ovary to the uterus 
wrought conception, which 
begat biological reproductive process 

fostered embryonic development
'o Boyce and Harriet straggly heir, 
one male progeny mostly
gangly lovely bones mox nix
cellular division yes genesis 
I rem:member being born 
as an a door able beatle browed talking head
super tramping cheap tricks
immediately kickstarted and triggered 
goo goo doll foo fighter enfant terrible
terrifically soulfully bellowing;
also envision Dolby surround sound
without assistance courtesy
Gran Prix (for poetic purpose 
pronounceable sex pistols pricks).

Upon due date when water broke
vaguely analogous to how rice krispies
snapped, popped, and crackled; 
firstly his crown emerged out cervix
ain't got pushed by no 
heavy duty contractions out birth canal 
no siree but propelled seven plus pounds 
courtesy infantile flatulence
asthma noggin heralded 
scrawny declaration, now celebrating lx 
plus four ellipses around nearest star,
subsequently skinny arms and legs
(I'll spare ye the bloody graphics 
with the afterbirth regarding 
  
placenta and fetal membranes
discharged from the uterus 
after the birth of offspring),
whence obstetrician able, eager, 
ready, and willing to secure newborn
in swaddling raiment
affirming  proud parents 
their healthy baby boy 
underscored with italics
readied to receive pronounced hosannas  
regarding garden variety
generic wrinkled likened 
to an old manikin newborn.

Within some now nondescript building
then named The Christ Hospital
location Mount Auburn
Cincinnati, Ohio 
(the Buckeye state)
record number C57587 
gingerly handled courtesy
Doctor James Mackay McCord
(ushering none other than me
into the webbed wide world)

bestowed upon bosom 
of Harriet Harris (maternal parent),
after thy young mother 
experienced brief labor
as his bonny head and bony derrière easily
slipped out uterine crypt,
whereby with Vernix
caseosa, the waxy or cheese substance,
he appeared er made 
rather wicked, matted, and dipped
in tallow, thence unexpectedly whipped
minuscule fist ready to bump.

Once placenta and fetal membranes
(unnecessary as wing ding)
discharged out uterus
after birth of offspring,
and thar weren't no more
major contractions in the offing
ma mommy lovingly did cling
to her bundle of joy and bring

maternal breast I ravenously
did suckle fortunately toothless
against her tender bosom trickling
(if mammary serves me correctly),
I presently recall no iota of inkling
what events transpired, nope
no recollection 
about me being circumcised.

Traditionally a mohel is a rabbi, 
cantor or another religious leader 
who performs brit milah, 
or bris, a circumcision ceremony, 
on an 8-day-old.

Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent
glad yours truly chose decent
mother and father, which opinion
subjected to radical change,
when as grown adult child
living nonsocial under
their roof housing forced to hire agent
provocateur to practice sparring,
when standoff event on horizon,
which eventually begat ultimatums,
where mutual quiet riot revulsion
swallowed me into a black hole

their red hot poker rage spent
belittling, cursing, damning...
quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content
internalizing later smoldering
anger I needed to vent
in retrospect diminutive little boy
tied to mama's apron strings
afflicted with mental
health issues inherent
of course hindsight gleaned

social, psychological, neurological...
healthy development got rent
asunder partly explaining
why I became indigent
cuz absolute zero ambition
to hustle and convince
prospective employers to hire me
an astute candidate with 
deaf fin knit muted confidence.
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