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Little Jack Horner was sent to the corner
For sticking his thumb in the Christmas plum pie.
The guests were also not pleased when he sneezed on the peas,
Or sang nursery rhyme ballads while fondling the salads,
And then tried to lick consommé spoons on the sly.
But what got him bounced was when he announced,
"Hey, look everyone, what a good boy am I!"

"No, you're not!" one guest spat,
"You're a horrible brat,
And I demand that you be reprimanded!"
So Dad gave him a pat on his bum and then sat him
Away in that corner in utter disgrace,
Where he pouted awhile 'til a sly little smile
Soon was spreading all over his little brat face.

Little Jack had one final surprise up his sleeve.
I hesitate to relate it, it's so hard to believe.
It seems that the lad, while his dad said the blessing,
Had peed in the pudding and pooped in the dressing.
Now, why someone would do such a thing is confusing,
Just something a three-year-old boy found amusing.
But the guests dug right in and both dishes did savor,
And exclaimed, "What unusual texture and flavor!
But what made them taste so exotically pleasant?"
Mom said it was love…
But Jackie knew that it wasn't.

If you think that was gross and disgustingly murky,
It's best that I hid what he did to the turkey!

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