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I remember Your anger The way your neck muscles Stood out As you cursed my name You showed up Uninvited with your pants Lower than your hips Yet You somehow paced with self assurance You circled The parking garage Chain smoking Making the concrete ground Your ashtray Your heavy clothes In summer’s heat Made it easy To hide a closed fist As I allege The broken headlight With your name in the same sentence From my heart beat My jaw popping My hazard lights clicking Your rap music blasting through my speakers I can’t remember what noise Stopped first Or why You held me close In your arms Afterwards But I drove you home quietly reaching out to you To hold your hand Desperately Wanting your warmth your affection Instead of suffocating The thoughts Of you 2 nights before Shivering under my sheets Against my body As the drugs wore off But I stayed awake To make sure You fell asleep And also admire How much I loved Your company After I dropped you off I stared at your house While multiple friend’s advice Playing in the background Their advice caused My brain And my heart to argue For hours that night And I kinda miss That part Cause when I think of you now I feel the effects of my insomnia Creeping in From consistent phone calls Every night At 3am Taunting Like you’re constantly poking At my wounds With a dull knife I keep my blinds shut And my lights off After work So you think I’m not home It gives me time To try to fall asleep early So I’m not startled As you call From an unknown number I get ready for work The night before now That way I am prepared To sprint through the parking garage To my car Every day And once I catch my breath And lock the doors I close my eyes Turn my headlights on And hope you won’t be there
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