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Old mother Hubbard got locked in her cupboard But not just the cupboard was bare She let out a yelp but nobody could help Because there was nobody there She’d make this assertion, there was no perversion She never considered it rude She just liked to feel the cool air on her skin And would walk round her house in the nude But she would be certain to close every curtain For these days she wasn’t too thin That day she was daring and had a good airing Out back with a book and a gin Her hedges were high so that no prying eye was likely to get a good eye full She wasn’t afeared of anyone weird With a video cam or a rifle She’d chosen to lie facing up to the sky In all of her stark naked glory But then she felt rotten because she’d forgotten The people up on the next storey She flashed them a grin and she swigged down her gin And she frowned for the glass was now dry With all her bare skin she went wobbling in When the kids up stairs started to cry So old mother Hubbard went into her cupboard To get some more gin and some tonic But then she was shocked when the cupboard door locked She found that a little ironic **** Her first ‘would be’ lover she came to discover Was shy so he kept it platonic Dragged into this cupboard by young Hetty Hubbard His nerves made him slightly moronic So Anthony Grace didn’t get to first base Although she was willing and ready A quick nervous kiss on the side of her face And then he ran home to his teddy **** But many years on and three weeks in this cupboard She just didn’t care anymore No food to survive, the gin kept her alive And her kilograms went through the floor When the door opened wide and a man stood outside He said Hi, my name’s fireman Grace Old Mother Hubbard, stood bare in that cupboard Said Hey, I remember your face Then Anthony Grace said I’ve been to this place With a girl who was perfect for me He said that I too can remember your face Then he reached for his skeleton key I never knew why I was always so shy But hey, I’m not shy any more He gave her a wink and a grin that was wry, Stepped inside and then locked the door **Epilogue** He looked in her eye and she let out a sigh And he sure wasn’t shy any more She said there is something I so want to do But first could you unlock the door I’ve dreamt of this moment for many a year I’m so glad to be here with you But we’ll have to wait a bit longer my dear I’m gasping to go to the loo
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