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Poem
it’s that time of year again.. that time 
were people start to notice I need help 
Around this time of year I get so caught up loving you I forget to love myself
My desires for tomorrow; fueled by the pain of yesterday?anhedonia has  gotten the best 
me.. it has taken my personality away. 
Yet I tend to say I’m ok out loud, to remind myself thats what I should be
Idiotic and delusional, For I’m not ok, I can’t  be ok, and I haven’t been ok since you left me.
I haven’t been okay since my innocence was snatched. 
I haven’t been okay since I pleaded for it back.
I haven’t been okay since I lost my ability to speak! 
I haven’t been okay since I forgot the feeling of free.
It’s killing me how you can go on and act like I was never there
It’s killing me how you can go and find love elsewhere 
I have found peace in the poison that was forced into my veins
And as I lay down, body numb, tears trickling down my cheek I find peace in the pain 
I’ve found peace in the flirt even tho I’ll never be able to commit the act
I’ve found peace in my hurt, because I know I can’t get my innocence back 
around this time of year These Scratches,slight scars, burns, cuts , remind me that I can still feel. 
The sight of my covered scars reminds me that it will in fact heal
I am in fact human; I am in fact real
if I had it in me I could lift up my hands.. and rejoice maybe?? cuz I’m still here and I’m still alive strong and free! Tho I’m not dead; this isn’t my body and I’m not me.
Around this time of year 
love is the only thing keeping me sane
It’s the only thing that’s able to tame , tame the darkness, my thoughts and help me put on a happy face 
This darkness tho it’s my home it  isn’t  a place rather a feeling I’d learned to endure. 
This darkness swarmed around my soul, had I known the darkness was me 
This darkness stripped me of all my aspirations; leaving me desiring only being freed.
The thoughts of the enemy have tainted my mind for. I Thought my pain was a common pain amongst the
I thought my pain was a pain everyone had or will see
I thought these feelings crossed every persons mind I thought we all begged to be Freed
Till I talked to those with desires and hopes and realized my pain was only common to me
Around this time of year I make the decision “to do” or “to not”, around this time of year I struggle to find a spot in the earths summer sun and windy winds. Around this time of year is when the pain begins.
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