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I remember…

Being 3 and crying, screaming
Because my mommy was leaving
For a day at work, … dreaded hours
As loneliness for her fell like black
Rain drenching me in awful rejection

I remember…

Being 6 and climbing out of bed
At dawn to finally ride the big yellow bus
Enter the planet of kindergarten
Where I would discover rich, new things
And play harder than I ever had before

I remember…

Being 9 and reading every
Little House book and wishing
That I could be best friends with Jo
From Little Women because she was
Just like me, a tomboy – wild and free

I remember…

Being 12 and hearing God’s word
From a pulpit that preached forcefully
About Jesus who I would come to know
As the One who saved me, heart and soul
The One who I would follow forever more

I remember…

Being 15 and rebelling against everything
Everyone who tried to tell me was wrong
It seemed that I knew everything 
And I didn’t need anyone to tell me
How to dress, how to drive, how to dream

I remember…

Being 18 and discovering that love
Was more than just a kiss and a hug
Love meant forgiving and forgetting
Love meant listening to my heart tell me
Love meant that I couldn’t be so selfish

I remember…

Being 21 and realizing that it was still her
My wonderful mother, the center of my world
Who would hold my hand when I couldn’t 
Bring myself to listen to the hard things
Or reach beyond the hope to the real dreams

I remember…

Being 24 and learning what it means
To love someone else more than your own
Self, your own ideas, your own dreams
I found that love means giving without conditions
Offering another heart your very essence

I remember…

Being 27 and opening the door
To inspiration through nature, through feelings
Through the heaviness of grief
The whispers of rain and snow
The light that glows inside the soul

I remember…

Being 30 and celebrating my day
With a pink cake that said I had aged
Wouldn’t ever be 21 again, nor 29 either
I had become a woman who believed
In good things, dreams and Jesus

I remember…

Being 33 and thinking to myself
It was at this age that Jesus left this world
He went to be with His Father
The One who created me to be
Filled with a love that only He could bring

I remember…

Being 36 and wishing I could be
Anyone but me, a heart who was anxious
Filled with the anxiety of bipolar depression
And worrying every moment it seemed
Wishing I knew a better way so I prayed

I remember…

Being 39 and divorcing the man I had known
As my friend and confidant, but also
The one who had made me question myself
Question my hopes, my dreams, my faith
He had planted seeds of doubt I couldn’t oust

I remember…

Being 42 and discovering the heart
Who beat away inside me, the heart
Who I knew was anything but good
But who I also knew believed in good
Because Jesus was alive and understood

I remember…

Being 45 and dreaming big about things
Going to college for the first time
Passing tests that made me dread
The moment when I’d see that grade
Somehow, though, I passed everything

I remember…

Being 48 and listening to my spirit’s call
As I spent more time writing my thoughts
To the One who made me, created me
To be His child, a reflection of His goodness
The light that would shine for His world

I remember…

Being 51 and feeling my heart soar
As time promised to give me a reason
A season of hope, of dreams coming true
Of blessings I’d never thought I’d know
Precious gifts from the One who holds me up

I remember…

Being 54 and rising above my worries
Uncovering a heart who I would love more
Than I’d ever loved another man except Christ
He is the answer to my prayers, the friend
Who is always there, who always shares and cares

I remember…

But 57 doesn’t come around until the end
Of 2022, when I will celebrate my birth
Once again, praising the One I love most
For the grace, the mercy, the hope and the faith
To reach beyond my fears, my tears, my years

I remember…

God is in control and He knows me
Better than I’ll ever know myself
He has the answer to my every prayer
The promises that makes me confidant
I can do anything I need to with His hand holding me up!

I remember…

The light of my life… is alive, lives inside
Where hope, faith and love always abide
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