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"You are fixing to walk the same road I have little girl ,"she said to me".He loves me", I stupidly and hopefully answered back.I don't even want to go into the many ways she was right and I was wrong. Let me encapsulate it this way.I married a man knowing he exhibited the very rage I called myself running from.Once it was so bad I was asked if I had been in a car crash.Another time in ER with two broken ribs and a very creative lie about slipping while exiting the tub,the Dr.said as he wrote pain prescription this.I wouldn't get in any tussles any time soon if I were you as you'll definitely be getting the short end of the stick.It was on a level even I could not have imagined.When I saw my dad one time at my sister's where I went after a row he looked at me sitting there with a black eye and talked to me about the importance of keeping the family together.Is there any wonder I was so thoroughly screwed up. I am pretty sure I am winding down kids but in Parting let me say this.I educated myself on all of it.Autism,generational abuse,alcohol and drug addiction.Complex Ptsd.And last but not least depression so black no light escaped it. I dug myself out of this pit I was thrown into at birth.My sister told me one time I was too gentle for this world.Well maybe so but I have the blood of Vikings coursing through these veins.I am able to handle the harshest of environments and live to leave an accounting of myself,of others.I do this knowing that hopefully all would have done better If they could.One last item.The birth certificate anomaly.Since I was little some times I felt decidedly male.I would notice it in my gestures as I am always observing.Myself as well as everyone else.Perhaps I am a chimera I wondered and researched.A male twin absorbed before birth.My affinity for male company,but I also loved getting dolled up.My profession a carpenter,always fully made up. Then I found out why.I had constructed this other stronger side as a small child to handle what that fragile overly sensitive little girl could not.I believe that chapter has closed on this a process taking many decades to conclude.I ,my adult self am that little girls gaurdian.I am thankful for the strength I have been afforded courtesy Of God Almighty who I always knew was near at hand.Who one day will erase all memory of that which brings pain of any kind.My very favorite scripture that reads God is close to the broken hearted and the crushed in spirit .psalms 34:18 Adios Friends
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