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“This circus is falling…”

It’s circa 1997; I’m in Charlotte, NC
It’s a 13-week consulting gig, my longest ever
I come home every few weeks
Long days at the customer site
A hostile environment;
    they don’t really want us there
A server vendor is trying to make inroads at a bank
I’m there working for the vendor
After a long day, a swing by Harris Teeter:
    pre-packaged dinner and beer

    “The big top is crumbling down”

And so is my life
Evenings are spent
    hunched over a laptop
    in a dark 1 bedroom efficiency
Programming late into the night
Until the eyes are too tired
And the beer has run out

Music is a constant companion,
    most of it, soulful, sorrowful, some upbeat.
    Counting Crows, Matchbox 20, Sting

    “These train conversations”

Are truly passing me by
No coworkers here.
No family here
No interactions with anyone outside of work
Just a call home early enough in the evening
    that the words aren’t slurring too badly yet

    “And I don’t have nothing to say”

Just ache
I want to be home
I miss my wife
I miss my kids
I miss my dog

    “You get what you pay for”

They are paying me well
I’m getting all the overtime I want.
I am piling away the money for a nice trip to St. Thomas
For all of us
When I get home
And I don’t care; I just want out

    “But I just had no intention of living this way”

Warp forward to today
Life could not be any more different
Life is wonderful, life is good
I have purpose
I have meaning
I have family
I have love
I know and am known by God

I’m working out in the barn
I’ve hooked up the old stereo
I see the “August and Everything After” CD and I fire it up
I set it on “Raining in Baltimore”

    “I need a phone call, I need a plane ride
      I need a sunburn, I need a raincoat”

And for a brief flash,
    I am back at that dinette table
    Alone, in the dark
    And terribly lonely

When it is uplifting, music causes our spirits to soar
But it can put you right back
    in a particular place
    In a particular time
And that’s not always a good thing

    “But what would you change if you could?”

Uh, August and Everything After…
 
click.
————

Quotes are from “Raining in Baltimore” off the
“August and Everything After” album by Counting Crows
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