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Struggling to get out of bed. 
The mind racing in and out of thoughts of what needs to be looked after,
Animals feeding,
Dogs walking,
Garden pruning,
Pond cleaning, 
Hedge cutting, 
Wood sawing, 

The list goes on…
But my heart feels held still in bed.
God whispering “Stay here with me. There is time to be moved to the list. Now is time to be with me and marinate in my love. Crumble the walls around your heart. Empty the muddy mind of anything that is saying …
Maybe this is it…”

Discomfort.
Restlessness.
Searching for an answer, understanding, googling new moons, Chinese new year, anything to bring relief….

This is not it. 

“Be still.
Stay with me my love.
Let my love steady you here.
The love you seek is right here.
Be still.”

Thoughts of unworthiness, guilt, shame, unlovableness continue to try and suck me into their depths…
But they don't stick anymore. 
I don’t want to go there anymore. 
I don’t know where to go anymore.

And I hear in my heart God calling,
“Be still. Stay with me here. Let me dissolve all untruths. All illusion. It is happening. You are being emptied and filled. “

And so I stay still, in bed,
Unwashed,
Ungroomed,
Uncertain, 
Suspended in nothingness,
Hanging in not knowing,
Waiting to be moved,
Feeling the experience of energy radiating in my heart 
Praying at this altar, on my knees at the pew of Gods church in my heart.

Empty me. Take it all. Fill me with only your love. I am lost without you.
Forwards, backwards, round and round.
I am tired of the wash cycle.
The ever unfolding of Gods unveiling. 
There is nowhere to get to.
There is nowhere to go. 
All that I am is right here in my heart.

“Take your hands off the wheel and let go of all structure, routine, rituals and perfomances.
Moment by moment,
Listen.
I am here. I am guiding you into heaven…right here….right now. 
Shhhhh….be quiet.
Let our secret  anchor and radiate from your heart.”
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