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While sitting in my bed, different thoughts raced around in my head; there was one that stood apart from the rest. With it came a moment of clarity, a deeper understanding, and a sense of being blessed. The map of a simple way to access the peaceful land I always dreamed of one day planting my feet. Freedom to live a life with self-love and away from the hate I have been harbouring deep within the fibres of my being. I have these persistent slaps of doubt and punches that tell me I will never be enough, a voice so strong it has knocked me down more times than I care to count. Since I believed the crime to be my own, I took the punishment that I felt deserved. You get what you are given, right? So, I didn’t end the madness, instead, I carried on living a life that felt to be full of sin. Constantly feeling violated, watched but never held, not once tucked safely in someone’s gentle arms. Til the one that made a difference finally showed up. Saving the parts of me that needed a sense of faith and strategies of coping with the coming days. Anything to show, I was going the right way. One was really a team of personal spirit guides lighting things ablaze in the best of ways. I could have called upon them long ago, and received some wisdom regarding the art of living, but I was too afraid to remain open; Nor was I ready to risk the chance of my last shot hitting the rims, never dunking into the net. So, I would never concentrate or focus, thinking that what I don’t know, I cannot miss. All the words that have struck me down. The villain had a plan, its purpose to dim the light and rip apart a soul so bright not even the sun had the tolerance to look down at its shine. With all of that also came the love, understanding and acceptance of the darkest parts of the night. To it, I was its enemy; for if the soul continued to be, the source would crumble and soon its kind would vanish without ever being missed. The beliefs weighing me down, religion was not my own, which meant I had not kept being stuck in a place that was not mine to call home. Here I stand today, officially ready to hand back the pain, the hurt, the disgust of oneself, the empty pit of nothingness and the anxiety that was never mine to own. Returned to its rightful owner, never again to be misplaced or cause anyone else a hole where the purest love should exist. We did not waste it all. It taught me more than I would have ever understood without it. Thank you for the opportunity to learn; I accept what I've experienced and take it for nothing less than a chance to grow and lens to view the screenshot of another existence. My only hope is I can share this wisdom and reunite others with their true-life purpose. All it takes is faith and willingness to look in front of you where a beautiful future and present moments await. The fog will clear the second you block the outside interference that transmits misguided opinions, falsely imposing as someone who knows and has every reason to hate the person who originates within my core. Although I may disagree with the methods of another, as I have my right, as do the ones who spread chaos in their wake. The truth revealed will slow down the spread of untrue messages. No regrets, but a promise to myself that never again will I hand over my control to a scam artist stealing from the savings meant for my highest self to claim.
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