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Since retirement I have gradually become more disappointed with watching and listening to performers, to on-screen entertainments, to emotional yet disembodied hypnosis, to vicarious fascinations now suspiciously corrupt Performance watching becomes a cheaply vacuous substitute for real life engagement in compassion with embodied hope; Or even social disengagement in disdain with chilling cynicism. I feel drawn out of retiring and into some healthy perspiring in a fluid multicultural river watering compassion, Steering clear of a tangle of wires and technology feeding isolated despair. Mindless entertainments are probable on screen and possible reading choices too Feeling guilty as I age leaving way too much for future generations to undo. Too needy and wounded and busy protecting privacy Projecting charismatic fame to blame and shame for all my ambivalence, doubts dark nights leaning into fear to risk more than breathing through another episode of Mary Tyler Moore and more USA middleclass white folks entertaining without engaging Show On screen time is too much less than Just Show Up.
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