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Back when the strange appeared uncommon, 
I knew I was just beginning 
To scratch the surface of the truth.
So I got myself a shovel.

As I dug deeper, I discovered my scent so jaded
As to not distinguish florist from fish monger. 
I had uncovered a conspiracy, and found myself in the docket
At the night court carnival of fools.

When I took the stand to testify
And they pried my diary open,
I tried to explain about the sheepshank on the bedpost,
But couldn’t account for the slip knot on the nightstand.

When the prosecutor got to the part 
Where the vixen dug her claws into my thighs, 
It was a blushful thing to hear.  
I had no alternative but to confess ignorance and drink the fifth.

They say God never wastes time on lost causes; 
Only people do that. I struggled to keep the faith 
While straining to come down from the cross. 
Ultimately, and with great effort, nothing was accomplished. 
 
Out of the dozen jurists in the courtroom, 
Seven needed to take a piss. 
The judge called a recess. 
The bailiff mumbled something about a well-hung jury.

I released myself on cognizance and split,
Leaving the lawyers to peddle bicycle wood in the jury box.
How close to vinegar does the wine have to be 
Before you toss it on the salad and call it a day?  

It is written, "A servant gleans no straw, 
But that his harness pinches." Amen to that. 
Some relationships are like a football game
Where it seems it’s always fourth and WTF! 

When you stay in one place long enough, 
You see a lot of people come and go. 
But in the end, you either out-grow a home, 
Or it out-grows you. 

Having acquitted myself in honorable fashion,
I set out for someplace where I wouldn’t be
Bound to piss someone off just by being myself, 
Or experience conversely likewise. 

I found a hand-me-down walking suit 
At a thrift shop on Chichester Street in Belfast. 
I didn’t know exactly what kind of fabric it was, 
So I just called it silk and believed it to be so. 

As they say in Galway, "There’d be no point in going to Castlebar,
But just to have the walk of it." 
With that thought in mind,
I set out after my fortune.

On the rainbow trail to my pot of gold 
I took an early lead. 
I got so far ahead of popular opinion, 
No one knew they were following me. 

Time came I’d walked hard enough to justify my leisure. 
I determined to indulge myself, feeling I’d earned it. 
I went to see Madam Theresa about a two dollar rub 
At The Gaslight Show & Tell. 

The manager had given me a backstage pass.
She scented her dressing room with an essential vapor 
That gave her creeper some real tone 
As she explored the inner sanctum of my dark side.

Later that evening, we dined with Antoinette Rondelet 
And Joel Sugarman at the Chateau le Rou Poupon. 
We sat near the base of the pole dancer’s shrine. 
We all had hungry mouths to feed. 

According to my math, two plus two 
Always equals nearly a handful.
I’ll never learn to drink my tea like an Englishman,
No matter how long I speak the language. 

You can spend your lifetime searching for meaning, 
Only to arrive at the obvious meaningless conclusion. 
When the strange appears uncommon, 
You know you’re only scratching the surface of the truth.
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