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he was not dumb 

but he struck his thumb

now he was dumb-struck

and screamed jolly good

his hand in plaster

and bad luck his master

he could not drive his truck


to bide his time

he drank some wine

set out to repair the computer

but there had been a looter

and thus without google

he stroked his poodle

who was so confused

that the other hand got contused

and he took comfort in a tequila shooter


but he spilled the glass

what a dumb buttock

I am too fast

and he was aghast

for the drink had surpassed

a spill somehow miscast


he continued with gin tonic

until he got moronic 

though he thought of it as hedonic

the words began to mumble

and he came to tumble

crashed into the lorry

but not one to worry

he kicked at the wrench

in which his cast got entrenched


when he blew a curse

about flipping and worse

the engine got running

which was rather stunning

now it was holy ablutions

until one more revolution

his sleeve got twisted

his spectacles misted

he was sucked into the airbag

still holding a fag

and the hot air combusted

those things can’t be trusted


almost running out of booze 

he had nothing to lose 

got the last bit of brandy

which was rather handy

but the liquor was so foul 

that he started to howl

what a caboodle and stunt

he shouted Immanuel Kant

and while critiquing pure reason

he committed automobile treason

booted the old banger

which with a clangour

took to free wheeling

while he was keeling

alcohol on his breath

and quite close to death


his wife would be home soon

not much over the moon

and since he was not covered in glory

he needed a story

but quite on the brink 

he wanted more drink

the emergency supply

he had wanted to buy

once the vehicle for renovation

was still at the gasoline station

where the HGV would be in elation

because it was downhill

it had needed a fill


so he sniffed a bit of petrol

and went back into confident control

because fumes are so healthy

and he always stealthy


when his dearest arrived

he quickly contrived

that he tried to fix the old fridge

she could be such a madame

would just not cool down

and he ran out of town

outcast and homeless

he smiled at the bonus

of needing no more car

with his missus so far


but she found him no doubt

and gave him a clout

started to throttle

and threw an empty bottle

for it appeared that his biggest sin

had been not to use the recycling bin


the moral of the narration

is one of frustration 

that he had failed the fender

when on this long bender

and wives are mysterious

in situations so serious



13th August 2021
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