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Hard lessons learned when brought into my home at the age of 3                            and people ask why I have no sense of value let me tell why what it was my mother         made clear as i looked on disillusioned, by fear of the cold hard truth  that my mother was            right no matter what i did or how hard i tried she was right i would never have true love in anyone’s eyes. After i had my children and swore no one would love them more and finally I had some little people who saw my worth and loved me unconditionally ,can you imagine how it felt when God took them away from me. Here i thought i was worthy of love but was destroyed completely when they were taken by the greatest betrayal by God up above.                So here my story starts as I stood at my mothers knee.                                                                            Imagine standing at your new mama's knee at the tender age of 3.                    As she sat playing and cuddling my brother                                I patiently waited for to notice she had another                            So when I cried and asked could you not love me too?                        She looked at me in complete disgust and said I could never love you                I stood about 2 and a half feet tall with tears in my eyes                        why mama why can you not love me I cried                                She looked at me with those cold icy eyes of blue                            What makes you think anyone would ever love you?                        I took you in  came as a set.                    A major factor I was never to be allowed to forget.    I never wanted you as you will be a whore like your mother                                                 I did this all because I wanted your brother.            I remember as my soul and heart were crushed    She smugly smiled and looked at me in total disgust            Please mama  you love me a little too        Again she said never could I love something like you                                                    So why am I here I asked my mother                She coldly looked through me and as I looked at my mother                                             She calmly said with no emotion at all it was the only way I could have you brother                    She never flinched as I was told this again and again                                            That I would never be good enough for anyone again                                                So for many years I worked hard at being good            Finally at the age of 10 I really understood         No one would ever want me asI would never be good enough                                    Finally 35 years later I thought I found my true love    Only to find twenty years later That he too could not love me                                             I could feel the smug look and see those c            As he found another I felt a blinding pain of memories I could not  disguise                        The only good thing that came  from this pain forced me at the tender age of 3                  Was i silently knew without a doubt that when I had children they would never feel that rejection.        Never would they feel worthless like me.            But then the joke was on me because they did love me unconditionally.                                    Because a higher power took them away from me forever.
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