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“I am NOT like my father!!!
You say that again, I’m going to kill you!”

I shrivel up in shame
For, I am not to blame
For the shenanigans you put me through so many times
Sometimes, I wish I was no more, but the clock still chimes
 
Yeah, I’m more than kinda high…higher than a contact eye
That, I can’t deny — this high is flyer than a stoned fly
For all of me really need a mighty major fix  —
And yet…
Making changes in life is like ting bricks
In regret…

The memories reverberate through my wearisome brain
Much like a million pot buds that accumulate through my clustered mindset
Driven insane by an adverse world, uncurled in the drain
Such and such has been going through my dreadful headspace that make me upset
So much like your weed pieces in the bottom of your bong glass
My thoughts sprout and about as I look in the past mirror
Much like the price of your expensive, quality grass…you’re such an ass
I am looking outside, looking in — I see many an error

I have to courageously handle assholes
That act like fools and are far from angels
They are fallen angels from their own hideous hells
Depressed as hell because I’m under a thousand spells
Of vulnerability and bemusing bewilderment
Of crazed corruptivity and blazing resentment

I have dealt with manipulative, mean-spirited people for years,
Reducing me to tears deep inside, but it appears that I faced my fears
Throughout this world of destruction and decadence,
Hardly promising an adverse world of pure radiance

Thoughts of anger and frustration filter through my mind,
Leaving me behind like the smoke from your cigar, remaining left behind
Nostalgic night makes me think of the bittersweet time
When I held your neck against the wall and punched you out — it was crime!

Your foolishness has faded over the damn years
As I sink inside with a thousand, fearful tears
As I think of the times when this adverse world
Was not reversed, then unfurled…then uncurled

I do recall my mother and her motherly embrace
To protect me from facing the deep darkness 
To prevent me from running life’s tribulant race
But I had to run that race of disgrace nonetheless
To unfurl the grace in front of your face…I showed you my inner designs 
To twirl away the vanity from these lines…also, to show you His signs
Still, I’m laced with lonely lament and profound passion
It shows clever and crazy compassion…far from satisfaction

I smoke this pot because I’m escaping these nightmares, awakening its death stares shamefully…
Crawling and barreling inside my insanely bewildered brain…slowly, but truly escaping the negativity 
The death of my beloved brother goes through my cranium
I weep and weep and weep in the deep with painful tears to shed — I’ve become numb as a starving, frightened bum

I want to cheer up my family…echoing cheerfully in my mind’s strange stride
Because I don’t really want them, ending up like me in somewhat broken pride 
I’m stronger than I realize now
That I’ve recognized my past as a mere stumbling block, but I see it as learning true life lessons somehow

I remember the reminiscences of your cruel absence, never letting me be
Its sting and the tragedy thereof makes sense to me somewhat, you see?
I won’t understand it all the way, for I think about it every single day
But God only knows it entirely and He has never, ever led me astray
Actually, I pretend to understand it all the way…my worries have no end and that’s not all of it
However, deep down, it remains a mystery as He sees fit; I admit, I’m nothing without His awesome wit

Go ahead and imagine…an adverse world uncurled…
It’s truly an infinity times infinity utopia unfurled
Of endearing adoration and sheer perfection — a Kingdom beyond our own
I have recollected these fond, yet remorseful memories in mind, all alone
God is my one and only backbone,
For my back aches for Him alone
For my heart aches for Him alone
For my mind longs for Him in the depths of the unknown 

I also want to bring along with me my beloved family
In this Earth of so little mirth, giving birth to vain insanity
I would more than love to show you an adverse world in my eyes
It illuminates my flourishingly flawed mindset and eliminates negativity from my head, running wild and dry, no lies

I feel regretless of yesterday in the sunny month of May at bay,
Looking forward to tomorrow’s happiness beyond the dismay
I have made it this far with my winsome wife by my side
With my beautiful, delightful daughter, joy and gladness in her stride of inner childlike pride

In this adverse world, uncurling in imaginary, invigorating light,
We will produce another family of plenty, together freer than free
We are like a wolf in his pack and an owl of midnight flight
I am better off, embracing the adverse world before your eyes of elegant empathy, my desert flowery plain of ecstasy

I am not like my father once again…
But I will please my Father who’s in heaven
I am not like my father once more
But I will ease my mind with wings of tranquility that soar

I love you, my wondrous, desirable wife
All my life, I’ve always wanted to zip out the strife
And girl, I want to live this adverse world
With you, me and my daughter of brazen beauty unfurled
You all are unlike any other
And, oh with my super strength-worthy stepfather and my marvelous mother

Let’s forget about this world of chaos and woe
And replace it with an adverse one…although
My real father goes through my mind time and time again
By then, I will be better off than him more than a million men

Remarkably dark and distressing memories flood through my brain
As your weed pieces sink in your alcoholic drink like bathtub water in the drain
I’ve witnessed so much death experiences in my life
That it shatters my sad soul and cuts me like a knife
I cradled you close before you ended up dead in my arms…you took your last breath
I was your deathbed…also, my friend got harmed horrendously by getting stabbed to death

Took him to the emergency to save his young life
But, it was too late — what won was the wretched knife
All I want to do is cry, but I must stand tall and remain strong; all along, I wasn’t in the wrong
As I truly wish I’d belong with my family’s bond and with my hand gripped against my bong
Or my hand gripped against the microphone as I sing my song, mighty as King Kong

It is getting harder and harder to obey as I escape death’s snare
When my life seems to go astray day by day, while no one’s aware
Like a fast-lane, roaming vehicle in GTA —
My life is a highway of opportunities not just my way, 
But our adverse way

~Dedicated to and inspired by AJP
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