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Poem
cold
physically, emotionally, spiritually
hollowed out like a two hundred year old redwood 
ravaged by fire, i didn’t care
my sense of purpose had long lost its relevance
spiraling out of control and letting it happen.
i had to admit, i needed help 
we had a relationship once, You and me, 
we used to chat, 
though it’d been a while.
i believed You would help me. 
thats what You do.
So i called on You
and waited for a response. 
… crickets
maybe a little more reflecting wouldn’t hurt.
…so i waited and i called on You again.
You must have known i would reach out. 
You must have heard my cries. 
where were You? away on business?
i thought it was ego or pride. 
or both.
not coming to You regularly 
seems to piss You off
maybe there’s a lesson to be learned
i knew one of us had to blink.
then i remembered, You don’t blink.
it’s pretty much Your way or the highway. 
i realized this time i wasn’t going to blink either.
now what? 
… more crickets
i learned early i am responsible 
for my actions
i read a person must trust in himself
ultimately, one can’t rely on anyone else
one needs to develop inner strength 
be honest with himself, face life, face reality. 
no one or thing is going to save me
only i can
in the past, i believed in myself 
when most wrote me off.
and in a moment of clarity,
i figured it out

the righteous will say You did hear me
You heard my cries and answered
my action was Your response.
giving me the strength to ask for help
to pull myself up, to be a light for others
it was You working through me. 
they’ll say there’s a bigger picture 
that i don’t see or get.
someday an explanation will be revealed.
i suppose those are possibilities 
but i don’t understand; 
what’s Your point?
is this about me
or about You or
You and me?
teaching? compassion?
put them before myself?
feel the pain i inflicted on others?
exalt You as the only one who can “fix things?” 
how does that work? 
i get credit for failing and You for healing.
maybe someday if You have time, 
we can have coffee and chat about it.
we’ll meet some place where we can
sit outside and You can blow more smoke
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