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Poem

They say what 'happens, happens for a reason',
perhaps to learn and unlearn
whatever it is we feel we need to;
prove;
accomplish;
experiment;
fathom...

I cannot change what happened
no matter how hard I try.
but I can change what happens next
If only I could try.
I know it's darkest before dawn
I'm just hoping dawn quickly comes,
before I lose myself in this alleged norm.

I have known the feeling of being scared
and at the same time being in love with it,
having to tread on the very path I dread
and yet love the frantic feeling it brings with it.
perhaps, what consoles me is the sweet nothings
I hear and recur when locked away in the galaxy of mind's fantasies that negates morality and adulterates the savour and succor it brings and breeds.

How do I live with myself
knowing I could have tilted towards the path
that would have made things right?
maybe I was too perturbed that the Other
felt like a lover's grip in a broken state;
too sweet to spit
too comforting to resist,
as I walked right through it
into a disturbing Silence.

I thought second chances were easy,
I guess it is when one is on the receiving end
yet still, I do not wish to cuddle with Regrets should I let the past remain past...
and if it eats me away,
how then have I lived?

what happens, happens for a reason,
though the reasons are sometimes never known,
still, I pray this dawn comes
lest I submerge into forever-moans

for I do not know which is harder;
loosing someone in death or friendship...

my glad you walked away
for I would never have let go...

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