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in a moment that gave her a semblance of clarity

my Mom expressed without a shadow of doubt

at long last I am allowed to do and say as I want
	
          it had been a very unhappy marriage
	
          she had felt dominated and oppressed

	  but played her part in wilful collusion

dementia had robbed her off a functioning body

her mind was not even now a beautiful place

which it might have been had she made it to be

          maybe the war was to blame for despair

	  the convention of until death do us part

	  partnership on an unequal playing field

I will throw myself into the cold river to perish

but before I drown I will stab you with a dagger

into your heart and draw blood and just retribution

          darling remember that you are a champion
	
          of swimming and therefore you will float

	  but it haunted Dad until his natural passing

why does she turn a knife in my soul to hurt me

have I not looked after her and gave her my love

there never was an ill-fated weight in our union

	  it is not your wife speaking but the illness
	
          but he would not let go and therefore I told

	  of her sadness misery and utter dejection

how do you know she never said a single word of it

because she confided in me ever since I was a child

hid behind my rebellion and consulted me for support

	  I never knew whether it was the right thing

	  to speak because I don’t and he is now gone

	  maybe I owed it to Mom and he thanked me

looking back in sadness about her never having a voice

me the sounding board for her agony and contempt

I am not sure who suffered most from the switchblade

	  but self-laceration was never far from her skin

	  of course there have been happier memories

	  but I cannot brush over the darkness and anger

I love you with all my soul innocence and wisdom of age

ingested your love and felt comfort kindness compassion

but the pure thrust of a skean left an unforgettable mark


28th March 2021

Mother Poetry Contest

Sponsor Constance La France
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