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I have been staying awake for as long as I can.
I have been doing this till I come up with a better plan.
I have been going and going till I can no longer stand.
I have to do this so I don't lose command.

I need to find something to ease the pain.
I have to find a way to release the strain.
I know it has been a long campaign,
It's getting harder and harder just to maintain.

I am looking for a way to help me explain
I am trying to figure out how to quiet my brain.
Drugs didn't help, unless you count going insane.
Sure, alcohol did the trick, and sleep I could obtain.
But, my tolerance requires quantity and makes it harder to restrain.

When I am on the edge and about to lose control,
Someone or something takes the wheel.
Friends and strangers have told me all about it,
So, I know it must be real.

I can feel it more and more each day
The Others have gotten bored and want to come out to play.
That is why I keep going till I hit the floor.
If I don't do it this way, I won't be me anymore.

Inside my head there are many rooms and many halls
Each room has a door, a window, and three walls
The rooms are all different but the things in them are all the same
Memories in some, and Monsters I have come to tame.

Some rooms are open so I am free to come and go,
but others have been locked up so long I don't even know.
I can hear whispers and scratching coming from the other side
sometimes something hits so hard it makes me run and hide.
Some just have boxes from wall to wall,
and when I am trying to sleep, I start going through them all.
While I am busy putting things back together
I don't even realize that I am in danger.

See there is one particular character that I can't seem to catch.
Everytime we are in a fight, we are an even match.
So he waits until I'm out or not paying attention,
Usually I don't care since it started out being for my protection.
He came out when someone wasn't showing their true intention
or at the first sign of an enemys' aggression.
It would always just feel like an abstraction,
like i would just step aside, not like a possession.

But now I am older, I don't do things that put me in danger
So he and the others are bored, and they fight to become commander
This is why I keep myself busy doing so many things
To distract with my reading, writing, and drawings.

I could fall alseep and stay asleep while I was drinking
because I drank and drank, till I was no longer thinking.
I don't know if there is anything out there to help me
Maybe I should just open all the doors and let the Others go free.

Insomnia, depression, anxiety,
PTSD, BPD, and ADHD.
Hey, at least I come with a variety.
Can't do it with drugs and can't with sobriety.

I know what you may be thinking,
but there is no way we give up without fighting.
There is at least one thing that We all agree
We won't be killing me,
Because no matter the amounts of casualty,
Suicide is a cowards way and lacks piety.

To be continued...
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