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Poem

Like a prisoner caught in a cage, wires and strangers
People quietly watching from windows at people on the grasses
Silence in the golden skies while people walk their dogs
My dogs getting pushy, demanding nipping at my ankle
Sharp stinging down the the right arm down the leg
Aches in my shoulders, itching along the ridge of my scalp

Like an injured soldier, wounded unsure alone
So many broken bones torn tendons stinging nerves
My words are not dependable though I know what I want to say
 I can’t form the words. though I can see them in my mind
I know what I want to express to you to explain
Anxiety and  detachment ativan for sleep — soldiering on
Preservering fighting the good fight aware of life and death
Or worse the something in between either icy cold or hot fires

All deep thoughts, all darkness and still pain dull or sharp
I stopped the anti-inflammatory, easing side effects.
But the pain returns with the seriousness of death
The work done to me has returned the pain again, the itching
And the wondering about death is it an easy quiet end
Still whispers than groans then shouts, a norco helps for 3 hours
But the side section awakes more pain more meds and I do not
Want help I am tired although i seem to continue this venture

This battle cry continues so when can I make it stop 
When can I just fracking let go — will my dogs suffer
Will my husband feel guilty as life is easier once I am gone
My 5am call to arms, the calvary is in the pharmacy or cabinet
Norco, Ativan, tylenol, gabapentin, ice, heat more more
 I am not sure what is next how to make it stop, pills and ice
What can I do, can I help others I do not have the strength 
Be kind and breathe but my body aches
Pondering God, The Force, the Divine amidst the eternal energy

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