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Personal Note:

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Poem

I am, wholly and completely, 
lost without you. 
I thought I could move on, use silly plies, 
distract myself, but no. 
My life can't move a single step, 
without you at the hoe. 
How naive I was to think you loved me.
I still try to trick myself so. 
But how can I rectify
the swollen lips and black eyes? 
Or was it me that did you wrong? 
Did I annoy you, did I expect too much of you? 
No I mustn't think this way. 
Now you lay behind bars,
so why do I feel the prison is my own?
My life is so far from complete, 
it could be rendered empty. 
It is only my outer flesh that now remains. 
And each day I feel my flimsy mask becoming ever looser. 
I no longer eat, for my gut burns with anxiety. 
I feel my future slipping from my grasp, and fear, 
that unless a saviour in a male silhouette
should glance my way, 
that my existence shall be inexplicably futile. 
For the man that once defined my world, still claims me. 
He has bore wounds that feel they shall outlast me. 
I can only hope the scars will fade, 
and that I can love again, 
or better still, learn what true love is. 

12.10.2020

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