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Families
awkward phone call
answers
family dinner, funeral, wedding, graduation...
strained, uneasy voice, barely recognizes name on list
Can you make it?
wanting acceptance, warmth...love?
black sheep, barely holding on to family tree
branches...straining, cracking, 
mother dies, weakens the branch
grandma dies, weakens the branch
cousin dies, weakens the branch
brother dies, weakens the branch
who are you?
faces ask the question
I mean...
how have you been?
hugs, smiles, questions
meant to welcome, recover lost time
standing in kitchen, watching coffee drip
examining photos on refrigerator
reading circled dates on calendar
nervous fingers caress cutlery drawer
awkward
feelings of childhood insecurity come rushing back
who should I be?
who do they expect me to be?
trying conversation
failing badly
not smart enough, sophisticated enough, worldly enough, not...
not sure what
but lacking
I steal a glance at the microwave clock
family catches me
time to go?
no
eyes of uncles watching me madly
eyes of aunts looking down sadly
cookies?
more coffee?
Distracted by background hymn
"What song is this?"
name of artist I wouldn't know
of course
passing around cheese I wouldn't know
of course
pouring glass of wine from year I wouldn't appreciate
or country I'd never visit
acutely aware that I am underdressed
under classed
eyes asking why is he here? right
the blood
eyes jump from me to clock
was there a hint in that look?
forcing a smile
inside
screaming
clawing
crying
punching
swearing
fake laugh at joke I didn't get
trying to act interested in stories from that side of the tracks
trying to steady dry working hands
checks and hides dirty finger nails
damn
did they notice?
it's getting late
I should go soon
murmuring voices silenced
eyes wander to my declaration
hugs and handshakes hasten my departure
hope to see you soon, keep in touch, blah, blah
useless last minute pity talk
puts on shoes
last look at relieved eyes
walks to car
parks down the street
covers face
cries for hours
families.
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