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Poem

I’m slipping again,
Just like I always do.
I am slipping back into the darkness.

I was sitting in class with groups, but I was nothing, 
I am nothing. 
The girls were laughing and talking about prom,
And all I could do was sit there.

I was invisible, 
I was nothing.

They talked about sparkles on dresses, 
or colors,
or patterns, 
and I was there internally screaming and crying!

I don’t let many people see my tears, 
or my tired and sad face that is taken over by a smile.
There’s one person who makes me smile, 
and laugh.
I can’t say that I love them because,
because I am afraid.
Afraid of more judgement and distancing.
I am afraid of losing what I hold dear.

The girls continued to talk. 
I wish I could talk about happy thing like dresses and wild nights on the town,
but all I can think about is a lovely swan dive off the roof! 

I hate how I have to hide who I am and when I finally show who I am 
I am told I am obsessed,
I’m weird,
I am stupid. 

Well you know what I am sorry that you think that!!
I am sorry that I am short,
that I am weird,
that I can’t be a beautiful brunette that can be happy just being ditsy!
I am sorry that I can’t just be happy with what you like!

I am invisible,
I am no one.
I am just the redhead that wants to be herself.

The one that contemplated not going into the library for my paper,
the one that would have rather found the way onto the roof,
and just taken the jump.

Somedays I really wish I did,
but then there is always someone that I see or says just the right thing that snaps me back.
It brings me back for the people that actually care, 
for the people that love, 
for the people that don't care and support who I am,
they mean more to me than anyone in the world.

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