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BROKEN LOVE
To my daughters, Stacey & Stephanie

The minute I learned I was pregnant 
I was scared
I didn’t know a thing about being a mom
I came from an abusive, angry environment
And didn’t understand what a precious gift I carried inside
In the days/months ahead as I prepared for your arrival 
I told myself, I can do this

I stuffed fears & doubts down into the crevice of my heart/mind
And put on a excited face
But once you were born and pressures came,
I didn’t know how to deal with things
Things that for most healthy people seemed easy
My decisions were like shots in the dark; hoping that some or one
Of them would hit the mark and be right
I kept trying to be a “good” mom, but I could never seem to do things well
I loved you with all of my heart but it was a broken love

I wanted the best for you and at times, tried to get you to see things my way
I loved you with all of my soul, but it was a broken love
I realized my foundation as a young mother was weak
How could I expect you to grow up knowing stability
When I had nothing to offer
I loved you with all of my mind, but it was a broken love

As I have walked this earth and tried to make a difference
I have never stopped believing in you; hoping all good things for you
Praying over your life
I loved you with every fiber of my being, but it was with a broken love

How I regret moments lost because of my brokenness
I long for you to realize what you meant to me
Please see the power beyond this mother’s love
Because it now comes from God, freely, deeply—and because of HIS perfect love
Our hearts can be healed; they can be transformed
They can be whole again
I loved you…

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