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Now, if you’re going to Laughing Pines,
I’d laugh and say, “You can’t get there from here”.
Should you go remember to forget your baggage behind.
Just pack a sense of humor and an open mind.
My dyslexic directions are somewhat clear.

Now, how do you get to Laughing Pines?
Just hop on route nine or the GSP
And take it on down to exit twenty-five
A few rights and lefts later somehow, you’ll find 
The entrance between the first and last tree

The road twists and turns, but follow the yellow brick lines
Simply take the right left on the Narrows Down,
To just about where there used to be a sign
If you’ve gotten that far then you’re doing just fine.
X marks the spot where you’re lost and found.

The house number you seek is sometimes twenty-one,
The house with all the statues of happy, dancing clowns.
Things change day to day to make finding us more fun,
But once you find us, the prize that you’ve won,
Is an all-expense-paid trip to our fun-filled fair grounds.

 Many of our guests arrive by Bipolar Express,
And you never need a ticket to ride.
When you’ll arrive is anyone’s guess.
Ted, Bipolar Bear, at the throttle more or less,
Will be your engineer and your guide.

At Laughing Pines everything is free,
But don’t forget to give a tip to the Door Mouse.
You can tell him to, “Plant your corn early”.
Or, “Never take a wooden nickel or bad penny”.
There are no tickets needed to enter this fun house.

When you register you can change your name,
But you may be addressed as Ms. Dudess or Mr. Dude.
Everyone here has some strange claim to fame,
If you don’t have one, well there’s no shame.
Just tell the Door Mouse you’re a Hoopy Frood.

Be careful when checking in at night.
At front desk is our cool ghoul receptionist.
You may fall for her because it’s love at first bite.
Vampira’s her name and she’s really alright.
Sucking blood is her claim to fame as a deadly seductress.

She never drinks international wine.
However, she may drink a Transylvanian dark beer or five.
Which for her is just as fine.
She’s just so very lovely and devine.
The only thing is… is she’s not quite alive.

The Pine Baron will be your congenial host,
He’s the original Piney from the sticks.
Of course, you should know he’s really a ghost,
And at the stroke of midnight we’ll drink a toast,
To the spirit of seventeen seventysix.

Inside is a light gravity atmosphere,
Where there’s no sorrow, anxiety or dred.
All of your doubts and fears just disappear,
And there’s no stress or worry in here.
Nothing but good looney times ahead.

So welcome to the circus my friends,
You’re just in time, the show’s about to begin.
Where the dancing and laughter never ends,
We’re all a bit mad and over the rainbow’s bend,
But it’s all the more fun on the lunatic fringe.

Ah yes, but here on the lunatic fringe,
The door has no locks,
The door has no hinge
No judgments if you dare to binge.
All we ask is that you remove your dirty socks…

In here there’s a perpetual party,
So, bring some (edible) exotic food.
There’s no such thing as too early or tardy,
The atmosphere is always fun and hardy.
And were always in a most generous mood.

In the den we have a magic show,
With real mind-bending illusions.
It will challenge everything you know,
It may even make your mind blow.
Sit back and enjoy the delusions.

In the basement we have a time machine,
Witness the mystery of history told.
Travel plains of dimensions yet unseen,
The past and future and times in between.
Experience history as it unfolds.

Out back the band is always in tune,
And the music never ends.
You can join the dance and move like a lune,
Under the sun, the stars and the moon.
And make some strange new dancing friends.

Playing all the classical tunes themselves,
Are our friends outside inside the mushroom.
Rockin’ pictures off the walls and books of the shelves
As they’re entertaining fairies, gremlins and elves,
Even though inside there isn’t much room.
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