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From June to September
I cannot remember
A damn thing that I did
What took me over
Was a monster called Bipolar
Which escaped from the shadows where it hid

And to add to this schism
I was fighting alcoholism
A Demon that dwelled within
It took me over whole
Mind, body, and soul
And drove me to deceit and sin

Me, my Monster, and I
Turned me into a Jekyll and Hyde
Full of fear and doubt
Anxiety and panic
When I was manic
I would lose time and black out

While Hyde was mania, Jekyll was depression
With him I would lose all emotion and expression
I would escape into regret of the past in my mind
Nothing mattered to me
I would exist in apathy
Every second of living became a tortuous long time

The Demon would attack and consume me
And when I drank he would assume me
I would become his slave
His bidding I would do
No kidding, if it was you
You’d understand you either quit or it’s the grave

I only remember up to the middle of May
I don’t even remember that year my own birthday
For the Demon I was in inpatient therapy
But they fiddled with messed up my meds
And the Monster came out of hiding and took over my head
And the Demon and Monster had a field day with me

I am become the Zombie again
It’s where I began to begin the end
It gives me a headache, a real head-banger
It totally consumes me
It completely assumes me
I am become the Doppelganger

If you were looking, you were not seeing
A fully functioning human being
I was just a shell at the time
Not coherent in thought
The Monster and Demon fought 
To take over my body and mind.

I was completely, totally broken
No magic words or spell to be spoken
My mind and body were in the deep six
The sickness went deep down to my soul
It raged in my head like an angry troll
There was no fast remedy or quick fix

I was falling down the rabbit hole of my psyche
I was convinced there was no one else like me
I was hallucinating 
I was as manic as a Mad Hatter
And the Monster grew fatter
If it wasn’t so sad it would be fascinating

I’ve written this poem for those living with the stigma
Of living with the Demon or Monster enigma
And to let you know that you are not alone
So don’t think you’re insane
When the Demon or Monster take over your brain
There is always hope you can find your way home

Alcoholics like the anonymity under AA
But I guess I’ve blown my cover anyway
I just relied mostly on my will power
Some meds therapy as well
Recovery was my own little hell
Minute by minute, hour by hour 

Day by day I keep the Demon and Monster at bay
The Demon’s in chains, the Monster in his cage
It’s about as free as free can get
I take pen in hand and write this poem
For myself all others like me who know them
And I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette…
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