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Today, I wanted to relieve myself
But sat there broken hearted.
It seemed no matter what I did
I simply only . . . . . you know?

Many have experienced this
Well I really don’t like to strain
I’m heard sad stories about elders
That seriously injured their brain

It seems insurmountable; this curse
I sat and thought about my choices
Way in the back of my head, 
I think I’m hearing ‘mixed’ voices.

All kinds of advice and frightful warnings
Of pending doom or pleasant feelings
There are so many, I really can’t choose
I’m not sure with what I’m dealing.

We’ve all seen those ads in magazines
On T.V. and the local drug store.
But I often fear from what they say
Exactly when and what I’d be in for.

I try to watch my diet
Eat lots of fiber and all that stuff
At times I sense I’ve overdone it
With things about to get ruff.

As with any pancake, there are two sides
I like my cheese’s, all rich and runny
If I go for that third or fourth slice
It may not turn out so very funny

Prune Juice is king, the best I’ve found
4 oz. of juice with 4 of warm water.
When I first rise in the morning
It generally works or I feel it aughter

I sip this nectar expecting magic
While I do my cross word puzzle
Try to re-write “Jumbled” words
Or solve the daily Wuzzle.

I fear now, when I prepare to stand
My legs just feel a bit numb.
Maybe waiting so long
Is really a slight bit dumb.

But Hark. .  I hear a rumbling
Way down where things need to happen.
If I’m right, I’m feelin’ lucky
I may very soon be . . . . . . you know?

Well, today should be a good one.
I’ve that problem out of the way.
I’ll try to remember that next time
It really paid off to stay. 

I heard an old fella once say:
There’s one thing better than sex.
I guess I’m just not old enough.
It’s “that great”; my bowels to flex. 


Written by oldbuck, now pushin’ 80,  6/1/2020
 As he thought about things he’d never tried to rhyme before. 
Maybe this is going too far?? But with the TP shortages, it seemed fitting.
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