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Every morning I wake up not knowing if ill look in the mirror at either Jekyll or Hyde. Not knowing if ill be praying to die or feeling alive.
This  right here is my typical bad day, keep your pity or judgement to yourself 
. I don't need an instant replay of what I'm already thinking anyway.
Slammed by everyone's negativity. That  just stresses me. 
Putting everyone ahead of my own needs, my wants, my dreams. Mind in disarray, screaming at myself everyday. Trying to motivate myself, getting lost in my thoughts, fantasizing about death, smothering myself in self doubt.
Ever since I was a kid I felt something with me wasn't right. Always confrontational, always ready to fight.
Constantly seeing the negative over anything optimistic. Delusions making me think I'm being realistic
I remember back when I was only 4 was just the 1st time I ran away from home. Before that though I'd leave my bedroom window open praying someone would sneak in to slit my throat.
But I guess nothings different til today cause I'm still praying for that same fate. And trust when I say I will never exaggerate. Cause I want to obliterate
these times I feel the energy from the pain of every living thing at once, suffering and in pure agony.
The pain so untouched and raw, it steals my breath from me and blinds me so I cant see.
Overwhelming as this energy rips through me trying to surface. Tried to stifle it down but end up regurgitating their anguish out my face. Purging...
I need air... I feel like I'm buried alive and dragged underwater at the same time 
And no one sees me struggling or they just don't care, though, all my life its been the same morbid tune... Being relentless. Always cocked and loaded ready to pop off at anyone who dares cross my path. Then reloading, only to pop off again at the next poor son of a  who questions me or who I claim to be.
I don't even know where I'm going anymore.
Will any part of my life ever make any sense, or will I continue being relentless  in my uncertainty of what to do next.
Maybe ill accept all this pain and anger I carry with me cause this is just who I am and was just meant to be.
Might as well wear my self doubt and self hatred on my sleeve, cause days like these make me feel like my soul has never been clean.
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