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Number one.

"Good morning. Would you like tea with your breakfast?"

No. I want milk with my porridge but it hasn't yet come."

"You will have to ask them." 

"Who's them? Who should I ask? Which one?"

"The people who do breakfast, who do you think?" 
 
"But they're not here. Can't you give me some milk?"

"No,I only do tea. Do you want some tea?" 

"I don't drink tea at this time, I just want milk.
Look, my porridge has no milk, can you see?"

"Sorry darling, but the breakfast people do milk."

"Then can you do me tea with milk, without the tea?"

"Ok, yes of course. Now, where would you like your milk?" 

"Here on my porridge please, thank you." 

"You're welcome," she said. And a little was spilt. 


Number two.

"GOOD MORNING. My name is Doctor Contantinosis. I am the medical consultant. How are you this morning ,Teddy? I heard you had a difficult night."

"Eh?"

"HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING TEDDY? DO YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER?
OR ARE YOU STILL FEELING NOT QUITE RIGHT?"

"Eh?"

"YOU HAVE HAD A BLADDER INFECTION, TEDDY. WE HAVE GIVEN YOU ANTIBIOTICS, AND WE THINK IT'S  UNDER CONTROL. 
EVERYTHING IS BACK TO ITS BASE LINE.
YOU SHOULD BE FEELING MUCH BETTER, 
AND READY TO TRY A SHORT STROLL. 

"Eh?"

SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW, MR TED?"

"Eh?"

Shall we move along to another bed?


Number three.

"Good morning,
 What would you like for your lunch?"

"What is there to choose?"

"Soup."

"What kind of soup?"

"In a cup."

"Ok, I'll have some soup."

"Mains is fish pie, cottage pie, cauliflower cheese.
With carrots, potato squares, mash and peas.
You can have everything but only one."

"Peas and mash with fish pie please."

"Banana ice cream is the choice for your pudding."

"Banana ice cream? Yes, I'll give it a go."

"I can try, but I need special permission. 
I have put down banana for now."

"I want ice cream!"

"Then why say banana my dear? 
I said you can ask for everything, but only one. 
You wan't ice cream  dear, or some banana? You want some?"

"NO, ICE CREAM."

"I can hear dear! No ice cream, I can do that.
Just banana. It's served about one."


Number four.

"Andrew, don't do that.
Andrew, don't touch there, please. 
Leave it alone Andrew, please sweetheart. LEAVE!
Andrew, move your hand AWAY. REMOVE YOUR HAND! 
DON'T TOUCH IT!!. Andrew PLEASE understand.

MAJOR INCIDENT! NURSE! 
MAJOR INCIDENT!! COME QUICK AS YOU CAN!"


Number five.

"Oh my God! What's happened! Mind the blood! Let's have lights on please! Goodness! Mind the blood, don't step in it! NURSE!!
There's blood everywhere, the floors swimming with it.
Hold on to him please. Can we put him on the bed? 
Teddy, were going to sit you on the bed. 
What were you doing? 
What on earth was going through your head?"

"I want to see the doctor."

"It's night time Teddy. You're not making it easy for yourself."

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"About half midnight I heard a clatter, 
but thought it was just something falling off a shelf. 
I expected a nurse would deal with it. 
I could hear all their station chatter"

"Ward observation finishes at night. 
It's just reception natter."

"I was awake. I didn't hear any other noise, 
so I lifted my mask and saw that Teddy’d had a fall.
He was  wedged backwards over his trolley, 
kind of bent backwards against that back wall. 
He looked as though about to totter 
so I grabbed him at first by the fist 
and I noticed he had pulled out his canula, 
blood was pouring right out from his wrist. 
Look, it's covered the table and all over the floor. 
I think he would have bled out to death 
you know, if he was bleeding just a little bit more."
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