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Poem

I find myself, circling
An area I was certain, 
Had been filled, long ago
Years of healing
Forgiving, walking on
With LOVE, into places I'd never go
....alone

I mean....there are things to be feared
Lessons learned, bridges burned
......I'm not STUPID!!!

Why am I here? Again?
Was there something I didn't get
In all of the hours
Of learning how to ignore, forget
....pain

Even when the mind can't remember
The body recollects every mark ever made
And try as you might, to settle
The soul won't rest til the debt is paid

.....yea....but Jesus

Ahhhh! I think I've come to it

When no one came to my defense
And I was held without a cause
When I was rejected and blamed
Where was JESUS....oh, yea, being my boss

Trust me....lean into me.....believe me

All of my faith couldn't do a thing
About the impressions upon my soul
....like pock marks from a childhood illness

Maybe if I wouldn't have scratched
So deep, rutting the flesh, for relief
I wouldn't be standing over the evidence
That my life is tattooed by unresolved grief

Jesus, I do trust, but I will not lie
The fibers of my soul demand I try
....to defend myself
You tell me, you are my protector
Yet I fight against you with my "private eye" detector
....to prove I'm alone....still

Ugh!!!

Being human sux!
I'll never get it right
Yea, yea, "It doesn't matter
Just keep yourself in the fight."

I'm still here.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04/21/2020

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