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We lived in a small room
Near the river
Ammi and I
She said she wasn’t pretty
I can’t imagine of anything
More graceful than her
She would devote hours 
peering at the door 
writing something 
in her dialect
I never met my Abba 
Ammi said he lived 
across the stream 
She writes to him everyday 
so that he’ll visit us one day
She used to tell 
what’s broken 
gets weaker day by day 
All these years
I only saw her getting tough.

I flew to the capital 
for high-school
I found you
That year it rained 
like never before
And I was happier
Than ever before
Whenever it rains
it reminds me of you
You left too soon
It tastes like autumn since

Black tea
I remember 
how you preferred it
Whatever you liked 
I loved it too 
And whatever you 
fell out of love with
I stopped loving it too 
I don’t love myself now
Ammi used to say
Wild creatures don’t 
need to be tamed.

Science taught me
"A human body is
a group of organized tissues."
Science has an exposition
for everything
and all I understand 
are metaphors
Ammi used to say 
you grow into the person you love
I turned into the difficult goodbyes 
the quiet mornings that follow 
the anxiety right after waking up 
the cities left behind 
the missed buses 
the delayed flights
I became the unwanted replies 
the longed video calls 
the songs you tune in to cry 
the defeats you hate 
the victory you crave 
the storm before a shower 
the silence after a fight
I’m the Monday blues
and the Friday night
I’m the one you look for 
in an empty room
And the one 
you run away from
I’m me; I’m you; I’m us
Science has an exposition 
for everything
And all I understand 
are metaphors.

Ammi has aged now
In her winter-white hair 
She looks beautiful than ever
With her shuddering hands
She still writes
It's been years now
He doesn’t seem to come back
Neither do you.
So I choose to abandon writing
Maybe then, you will.

Bhumika.
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