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In only a moment of maritime mirth
My ship's maiden voyage was missing at birth
The King's Royal Navy reduced me in rank
By flushing my ship in the place where it sank

I fell in the sea with no source of a boat
The swell I could see was no course I could float
A large appetite is the curse of a shark
Who leads with a bite that is worse than a bark

We cried out for help in the dead of the night
With talk of surrender we gave up the fight
My crusty old sailors were not in the mood
To sink in the soup of a shark brand of food

My ship was destroyed and my crew was displaced
A little annoyed by the danger we faced 
Our ladies were waiting with coffee and tea
And pink bunny blankets on beds made for three

When they were well-rested and ready to run
I sent them to cities where pirates have fun
To seaports and pubs and the ladies who wait
With bottles of rum and the chance for a date

But many such mateys are making good matches
With young pirate ladies in wigs and eye patches
Where children are raised to be seen and not talking
Like peg-legged babies who lean before walking

Whose daddies are carnies in cages of creatures
Who match them in stages of true pirate features
For prancing with rhinos that race in arenas
With dancing albinos who chase ballerinas

But all these excursions are merely diversions
For hook-fisted pirates who plan to be surgeons
The call of the sea and the promise of booty 
Is why we come back for the next round of duty

But English is British except when they drag us
More skittish than Scottish for anything haggis
To brothers who greet us and tell us they like us
And mothers who beat us and smell us to strike us

I pondered a fate that is stronger than reason
If Lori my date is no longer in season
Her love is my courage, without any question
Her food may discourage my need for digestion

Her frowning is downing my steep escalations 
By drowning my clowning in deep reservations
For what I am facing and where I am going 
And who I am racing when I should be slowing

Oh how I am tinged with a touch of that sorrow
That makes me unhinged when I think of tomorrow
If fate is a life that is longer than reason
Then why pick a wife who is still out of season?
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