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“I need to be inside you” . . .

His voice echoed like the psalms in my mind
And I could not shake the feeling of dread—
The dread of leaving this Prison of Plot—
And the ensured surety that we would no longer 
Sing as one
But be parted forever.

Yet there was comfort in my grandfather’s promise—
My Father’s promise—

“He cannot win
—he will not win” 

I felt his breath near me,
Followed by a deep sigh as my eyes opened—
I had not slept,
For he must see all—hear all that I need to find words for.

…

I could not help but be in love with every word 
But I could see I have exhausted her—
And I have not shaken her 
She will leave 
She will win…
Apart from me,
She will share the triumph with my Enemy! 

And in Gehenna,
Her voice will echo in my heart 
For all of eternity
In lonely Gehenna— 
In hot, futile tears
And eternal sobbing solos.

She leaves today—day 40— and soon, I will follow her
To face the light of God—
Of God—who could not have shared her
Just as He could not have shared His throne!

But I knew that is not what I wanted now 
I wanted her—to stay with me—
There was something comforting about prison
When the memory of her could now linger in it. 
Could I just stay in here, 
And live in the memory of us? 

No—no! I must finish this—
I must be free, and finish this—forever. 
And her glory—it cannot be my glory—
For it is shared in Him! 

She leaves today…

“You leave today…”

His voice was steady, but soft,
My eyes welled with tears.

“Yes, I must go,
And when I leave, you shall leave shortly behind also.
There are those that you can leave here,
You could leave alone,
Couldn’t you?”

He shook his head. “She is in me—with me forever—
But I—I can go with you,
I can be in you—”

I silenced him with my hand pressed upon his lip
He closed his eyes, defeated. 

“For forty days and nights have I had the pleasure
To swim into the realms of your songs, 
I had written to you,
Have now seen you,
And oh how you are so beautiful in the light! 
Finally, I have sung with you—
But now—now I must leave this place… 
And you will not be far behind me…”


He grasped my hand as I rose to the surface
“But I will always be behind you…”
I placed my other hand on the surface of the stone covering
His eyes never left mine
And there was a genuine pain in them.
 
“Do you believe for a moment this war will be the last?” 

I nodded. “and your love for me will be the last” 

His eyes bled in despair at the truth in my voice—
“Tell me this—
Before I die, 
Will you open the window for me?”

My eyes glistened with the same blood—
“I cannot attempt to deny 
That I will never damn you again, Devil,
And the window has been open,
Always,
Ever since that day…”

The grief I felt in my heart was sinking me back down the prison, 
But his wings fluttered strongly, and he held me,
Holding me up. 

“An open window—
That is all I can ask for!” 
And his lips met mine gently,
Like a strange dream,
And the blood trickled down between us… 

When our lips parted, I smiled.
“Knock, and it will be open to you…”
To my recitation, he let out an inexorable sigh,
Followed by a gregarious eye roll.

“Argh!! Woman! 
Now get out of my sight!!!” 

I laughed heartily, and acknowledged Death and Hades from below,
Then the demons, 
And back to the Devil—
My Love.

“thank you,” I whispered.
And a prayer to myself:
and thanks be to God! 

I knocked upon the great ancient, seal 
And it slowly slid open to reveal the glorious
Light of day. 

Christ greeted me at the top in a loving embrace
And a hearty laugh of relief
For my cheeks were glowing, 
And the tears of blood had stopped.
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