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The cold feeling of your hand on mine that I oh so wish I did not have on my mind, but somehow those chills I once had I am still able to re-find on

my hands

my arms

my lips

my heart.

I finally picked myself back up yet sometimes I miss the days when you tore me apart.

I spent those days drinking and crying, inside I was dying. I knew you were lying but, life without you just seemed so terrifying.

I know, I shouldn't be protecting you.

I know, you've seen what you've put me through. But lately, these feelings have corrupted

my mind

my body

my soul.

I try so hard to forget that year of my life you stole, but when it comes to my thoughts it seems its still you that's in control. I know it's sad to admit but even my life without you feels like a constant blackhole

with nowhere to run, nowhere to go, and with every breath I take tightening my torso. Consumed with anger and regret from head to toe.

But through it all there's still a voice you know.

Telling me more than anything not to and at the same time convincing me that I do.

It's something I don't want to admit to and something I really don't want to be true.

I never really thought I would say this but the truth is

i miss you.

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