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My knees wear out on me 
My feet feel like lead of rue
My knees give way, you see?
My numb feelings isn't because of you

God gave me freewill with no strings attached
I hurt myself so much in the past…in the past...
I love you, Lord, but self-hatred once hatched…
I almost killed myself to end the pain at last 

I smoke away the sorrow and put me at ease
Just hand me another bong and tell me that I truly belong
I mend the horrid scars of yesterday's anxieties
Give me another tomorrow; I'm sorry I've done You wrong 

I don’t want to live in an adverse world in reverse and I want to quit the quitting urges —
A tragedy that is a gift and not a wretched curse..grind away the unhappiness and chaos that Satan rehearses

I want to kill away the pain in my heart —
From the start, it's been tearing all of me apart

My knees can't take it anymore…
Feels like no one cares that I'm sore
But I have a supportive family that loves me so
And a beloved daughter and beautiful wife, I know

Allow me to brew away the grief inside
Allow the resin to settle inside the stem 
The water below the bong is boiling as I take a puff
I take puff after puff because this life can be so rough 

Strife is corrupting my mindset,
So let me breathe in peace, dude
All my life, I've been in pain and sometimes, it gets me so upset
Well, man, I don't mean to be rude…

I am so lucky and glad I have a wonderful mother that cares for me deeply
And will do anything to keep the family happy and works hard exceedingly

My father was never there for me and I have already explained that
But, I am slowly but surely accepting reality like a cat that can't catch the rat

I want to live in an adverse world, not in reverse —
A tragedy that is a gift and not a wretched curse

I want to kill away the pain in my heart —
From the start, it's been tearing all of me apart

Shatter away the shame that embraces me,
Never leaving my presence relentlessly
I don't want another pain killer to swallow 
To numb the pain temporarily until tomorrow 

 ~inspired by and dedicated to my brother-in-law, AJP~
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