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Shall I keep apologizing? 

For the silent screaming,
that has somehow, manifested into some..labeled, romanticized , interpreted version of labored anger...
harbored.
You think it's anger? You think it's aggression?
Do you really see me, from thine own given two eyes?
Without that third component?
Do you really tell me that you "think" I'm mad

When only, finally now, after so much of the service I've survived and assisted through.. CRAWLED back up
you mean? to tell me?
that the fact that I raise my voice to a volume that you provide on a daily basis, during your contemplative; DISGUSTING amount of complaining about the things that don't mean a damn thing to me anymore...
you mean to say?
I'M considered mad?

maybe now I'm empty...

Empathy......


For hours, days, months and years
for over two decades now, I've silenced myself.. 
into somebody that's dedicated everything.. life.. to their sacrifice
To assist in your growth.
To water you.
To say,          .....


So, what would you say?
So, what would you ask?

Nothing..
other than bearing my own unbearable, growl of what you call 
"Pain" 
as if it's a measure at this point ...
As if suffrage is measured..
between the voting winner, and a losing "factor"

Nobody is top place..

and because I've lifted them all above the wreckage of their own vantage point
I've arrived   

in my own delicate refuge, 
of wanting to leave so badly ...


If I told you that last night, I managed to gather 120 minutes
of that so called, delicate slumber.

but that in between, those hell, awful Growls, 
I had to manage an entire establishment 3 hours on and after

That in between those silent sayings.. 
"You're finally seeing that you're not worth it all"
weighing down on my responsibilities..
Weeping sighs of wondering
"What would this be if I didn't sing along?"



what are those you say?
let's just say, 
"I weigh so much, that I'm skin and shrunken bones."

The weight of the world, the succumbing darkness that keeps taking and taking and taking   Took.

Gone.

Where does one...so stuck too...that seal of the enveloped world of darkness of the world.
one by one, I always say back...silently 

"I'm livin' the dream"

Loudly,
If I leave I can't fulfill this act.
If I leave I can't understand what this loneliness feels like 
what it means
Because somebody like me,

will never..quite go away.

yet, I'm nearly there.
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