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That's it, I've had it
She uses Miracle Whip on her sandwich
I just can't handle this, I can't take anymore
I am real careful when I leave how I slam the door
When I left, I took with me
Not clothes or money
No rare painting or the Mingh Dynasty vase
Just what was in the Prenuptual, my jar of mayonnaise
I don't care for the store brand, Sauer's, Blue Plate or Best Foods
With Hellmann's by your side, to have a sandwich, you never have to be in the 
mood
A BLT, can you imagine that without the B
Let alone it would be just as disastrous without the LT
But then again, this is America, you can fix your sandwich any old way
That's why when I left, there would be no misunderstanding, I would take the 
mayonnaise
Some kind of bagel, bread or bun, sun dried tomato,  white or whole wheat
Put whatever you want on the bread, but without out that one thing, it will never be 
complete
Maybe I will become a Health Inspector and find out which brand the restaurants 
use
If it's not my brand, I will write them up for sandwich abuse
I will find out which type they use, for instance in their Tartar Sauce for their 
Breaded Fish Fillets
Or maybe become a Divorce Lawyer to ensure that when my clients divorce they 
don't lose out on their mayonnaise
This is a lesson I learned even though
It was in Black and White in our Prenuptual
It still seen its day in court
My girlfriend's lawyer said quit playing hard ball, come on be a sport
He further states she's willing to give you the car and your favorite 45 record by 
Stevie Nicks Leather and Lace
I turn it all down and stick to my guns and retain custody of the mayonnaise
To this day, we no longer speak to one another
I got back at her, for years I  have secretly shared it with her mother
Is this something I should feel guilty about, show some remorse
I am going to see if can marry the thing I love the most, it will never end in an ugly 
divorce
I don't believe that I am going through a mid life crisis or some kind of phase
Please RSVP me and tell me if you feel this strong about your mayonnaise
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